thistle;

2007-01-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

am no longer blogging here,

if i want to, i will let you know (:

2006-12-15T04:13:00.000+08:00

i'm really glad it's the holidays, cause it means being able to get away from both school and hall and recharge myself alil, and do things just because i want to.

it also means being able to spend time girl-talk with the sister, and dinners out with the parents (:

speaking of which, the sister has gotten into tpjc for first three months next year! my alma mater! have fun joyce :D

went back hall at a bright and early time of 10am yesterday for the snooker quarter finals. we lost, but hey, good job, guys!

ntu has really nice scenery, i tell you.

went down with dinesh, joyce and alyssa for the basketball girls and guys games.

calvin was damn funny refilling paper cup after cup of water to pass to the players, and he refused to sit down when i asked him to cause he wanna be seen doing his job. LOL.

taking a sip under the scorching sun; calvin's hand with his many paper cups; tall jonathan and a tall tree.

so, we WON! both the girls (36-9) and the guys (oops i can't remember the score haha).

was super shagged after that, it was what, my first time being out under the sun in a very long time. got quite rosy cheeks when i got back, haha.

sorry xiaobai, for cancelling movie!

the school's snooker club had an event at China One (which is this pub at clarke quay) today, i had to go since i am in the main comm, but the thing is we had to bring a friend of the opposite gender -.-

haha luckily dinesh agreed to come along.

we saw this very happening group of caucasians at China One all dressed and dancing in The Incredibles' costumes lah. damn happening can.

thankyou dinesh for coming! (:

overheard in the toilet today;

girl A: there were alot of snails there.
girl B: you mean on the floor?
girl A: what? what did you hear?
girl B: you said there were a lot of nails right?
girl A: no, i said there were alot of males there!

seems like i wasn't the only one with a hearing problem. LOL.

2006-12-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

universal rules should be put into place to regulate human behavior, so that we don't have to deal with awkward emotions.

something like, if you want to be mean, don't feel bad or guilty afterwards.

guess i can neither be nice or naughty this christmas, i teeter and totter between the two extremes too easily and without warning. ain't gonna receive any present from santa.

sometimes acting like a total prissy bitch comes so easily and naturally it is quite damn scary.

i just hope that the fish n co' waitress whom i was a complete ass to this evening doesn't get too cynical about the human race and still manages to, i don't know, find true love and get married or something.

not that i believe in true love, anyway. ha ha.

spent the evening today with the family.

can somebody tell me why i don't feel all christmassy even with the nice nice christmas trees and lights??

spent my weekend as an angel. oh the irony.

the makeup they gave us was damn thick, the two days of makeup on my face was enough to compensate for my twenty years of being makeup-less lah.

it was quite fun being the center of attraction everywhere you go. well i could get used to that. haha.

that's me, geannie, elissa, geraldine and graceyu. i <3 working with them, they're such a giggly bundle of joy and fun (:

i <33 my wings.

yongsheng paid us a visit, but no thanks for laughing when you saw us -.-

alot of the shoppers, mostly families with young kids, wanted to take pictures with us. i tell you, i so <3 them young kids, they are so damn adorable! (:

some rather interesting incidents;

we were walking behind this little boy, and when he turned back and saw us, he screamed "ah! there're ghosts behind me!" LOL damn cute, i swear.

it was rather crowded, and this guy behind me brushed across my wings, then he was like "omg, i touched an angel!"

so as you can tell, we were pretty much spending most of our time camwhoring.

wahlau but at the end of the day i was suffering from major muscle aches from all that excessive walkin lah.

love you girls many! <3

us angels are gonna meet up again on the 21st at MoS for SIM's pageant bash for a reunion of sorts! can't wait <3

2006-12-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

i'm in this superultrafuckinguber cranky mood this morning.

if anyone even remotely steps on my wrong side, they'll get the worst of me.

and no,i don't feel like talking or smiling,thank you very much. can today quickly pass me by,already.

2006-12-09T04:18:00.000+08:00

tampines mall-ed with the sister today <3

LOL, i swear i'm not evil. hmm, i think.

2006-12-07T18:59:00.000+08:00

i swear i must be not quite straight.

or maybe the women species is just too darn lovely to ignore. LOL.

i say rosalyn from Girls Out Loud, or Power 98 if you will, is so damn hot (:

and Girls Out Loud actually made me laugh out loud; it's trashy but really fun to watch. it's one show that channel 5 actually rocked at.

finally done with next sem's timetable which kept me online for the last coupla hours. i should really keep to the promise i made to myself that i will not touch the com after the exams. timetable turned out quite alright, it would be better if i could switch my friday's 106 to tuesday, but i'm fine with my current one as of now.

been alil under the weather these few days; sorry xiaobai! for not being able to go down MoS tonight with you, and sorry! yongsheng for having to cancel dinner.

chilling out at home has its perks too; i get to save some moolah and spend a lazy afternoon poring over my latest library novel. it's been ages since i last read a good book with a nice cold drink, and it's a refreshing change after dressing up and spending late nights out.

thankyou mingzhi, for that wakeup call. i needed to wakeup from that nice, little, fantasy world i built for myself; and see it as it is. sometimes guys do offer some good advice. sometimes, lol.

2006-12-06T06:57:00.000+08:00

i've been trying to fall asleep for the past few hours, it is 6:58 am now, and i give up.

thoughts just seem to run through my mind like a kept horse let loose to an open, endless field.

...

the only other reason why i have never been in a relationship before is probably due to my feelings fading as quickly as they arrive. they never stay long enough for it to blossom into something else. maybe because i won't let it, maybe.

but time and experience has shown that i can never quite sustain my feelings for anyone. perhaps it is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt, or maybe it is the promise i made to myself so long ago that i will never let anyone majorly dictate my feelings and emotions.

whatever it is, that little crush almost always remain as just that little crush.

so they tell me that for two people to have mutual feelings for each other is hard to come by at times and therefore something to be cherished; but i ask them - is getting into a relationship necessarily the next and only step? i have seen enough cheating boyfriends and dependent girlfriends to continue having faith in relationships.

whenever i feel that i'm getting too close to someone, i withdraw. maybe i'm a commitment-phobe, and i hate to lose my freedom and independence. i am this close to being cynical and disillusioned in that grand thing called love.

i never want to be in that position where one person holds the key to my emotions - i don't want to cry for anyone, or even to laugh or smile because of anyone. i have experienced it once and it is one time too many. i want to smile for myself, and if i have to cry; to cry for myself.

maybe that is selfish to begin with, but it is so much better to love yourself to the point that, with or without that special someone, your own life is worth living just for your own sake. and when that special someone does come along, it would be a bonus to your already abundant life.

that ocassional crush still pops up now and then, and i still giggle, sigh and gush over the silliest things. yet i know that most of the time it will just remain that-a simple crush.

and even though the infatuation might be fast and fleeting, that is not to say that it was not genuine. every time a crush appears, as silly as that might sound now that i'm already twenty; the feeling is still strong, still intense, still quite crazy.

so till that day when i decide to change my mind, i shall continue with the little crushes here and there. so if you realise i have a crush on Mr. B next week when i was gushing over Mr. A just this week, don't go around calling me a flirt or a bitch, aye (:

2006-12-06T01:45:00.000+08:00

visited ikea tampines yesterday, like finally! i so wanted to go have their meatballs and poached salmon - i absolutely love their salmon la.

the place is like an exact replica of ikea alexandra,can. but we got lost, damn funny. i swear ikea is like this maze; they probably want people to get stuck inside long enough to make more purchases.

it was already damn freaking crowded at 4 p.m, i wonder where the crowd came from. probably meatballs and salmon-deprived people like myself.

today i waited for about 45 minutes for wai hoh. wai hoh, you best la. you must be the first person ever to keep me waiting for so long. probably cause every other time i'm always the person who is late. LOL.

but nevermind, cause he treated me to pastamania! so,it's a free meal for 45 minutes. ok la, not that bad. haha.

gonna be working at marina square this weekend, so if any of you guys happen to be around that area; keep a lookout for girls dressed as angels walking around giving out candies, aye (:

sigh. i swear if this goes on any longer i'm gonna go insane already. spare me the agony right now, won't ya?

2006-12-05T03:32:00.000+08:00

i'm currently panicking because we're to submit our planned timetable for next semester by 7th december; and i'm absolutely clueless as to how to go about doing it.

four of us are on msn now discussing which tutorials to take and whatnot, and JUSTIN you suck! for bluffing me that the submission date is 7th january instead -.-

i know i should do it like right now, but logistics and numbers on a late night do not mix well for me. so i shall leave it till tomorrow (and hopefully actually get something done).

AH! i hate having to be independent =/

2006-12-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

met up with the junior paul wang yesterday.

paul wang is funny because he spells reindeer as raindeer, has a sister called patsy wang, and calculates that 2K a month is not enough to get married, buy car and go for holiday.

paul wang: next time when i get married, i'll be wearing a tuxedo.

me: of course wear tuxedo, then wear what. boardshorts ah.

paul wang: ya, then my wife can wear bikini. we can go hawaiian style. but later we cannot enter the church.

me: ya lor. later the pastor say, no, no, cannot come in.

paul wang: ya, later the pastor bounce us out.

i am happy because we went to visit elissa and xiaobai who are working at the Sitex fair at expo, and i bought a MMC card for my handphone so it means no more dreadful mrt rides! :D

512 MB for 19.90$, good enough for me.

today i woke up at an incredibly early time of 8.30am to travel from home to school for billiard training. and i'm NOT even playing cause i'm just the in-charge.

so the sudden realisation hit me that, i actually like mornings. i like the soft, warm glow of the sun that is not so hot but bright enough, and seeing everyone else start about their daily routine. but it's a deadly conflict of interests between being an night owl and the love for the morning sun. ah wells.

then it was jared lai's 21st birthday party at night. thankyou for the delicious buffet and cake. too bad you bluff me, i thought it was poolside party so we can throw you inside :D and don't worry about not having entertained us enough, what matters is you had fun yourself ok (:

and thanks also to jared's nice friend who gave me a ride back to tampines (:

i <3 all my friends! because you guys complete my life :D

2006-12-01T02:28:00.000+08:00

club hopping is fun. girls should club hop on ladies night; especially when you have friends at the clubs you hop to :D

headed to hall to prepare for a night of partying.

i swear i hate long train rides -.- ok i know this is completely out of point, but i take like a bloody hour to reach ntu from tampines. and i HATE it cause i have NO mp3, NO magazines or books to read, and almost NO eyecandy. HAHA.

headed down to dxo first to meet my girls elissa and graceyu. tpjc post prom party at dxo, and the place was chockful with familiar faces, like a reunion of sorts (:

there was edris,alman,mingzhi,victor,zhenyi,peyyuan,alex,desmond,alvinchow,
darren,fanghao,shiming,LYNN MY PEE,alan,xingyuan and the whole bunch of them juniors who were just done with their prom night. it was also quite freaking crowded. hahaha.

then rachel came over, and the guys had like a thousand drink vouchers so we got free drinks. vodka cranberry rocks.

cabbed down to MoS to join cat and the rest to celebrate cat's birthday.

cat sweets, hope you enjoyed yourself; and i just realised we did not take a single picture -.- my phone battery was like dying and we were all quite high to actually remember to snap some shots. LOL.

and JUSTIN. AH! i really really wanted to take a picture with you and your AFRO-do lah. LOL.

it was damn fun dancing both on the dancefloor AND on top of the podium. HAHA. rachel i swear you were hot up there:D

we stayed till like 6am and had macs breakfast and i swear i should NEVER eat after clubbing. upon reaching hall, i puked out like almost all the scrambled eggs i just had -.-

ANYWAY, it was fun :D this is what holidays should be all about. ok, on second thoughts, maybe not.

and i don't like kBox, cause we kena cheated. but i had fun with the sister the other day, no? (:

i so need to shop, and like, repaint my nails or something. sounding bimbotic once in awhile is good for the soul. HAHA.

2006-11-28T04:16:00.000+08:00

can i just say that the stars of gorgeous people have been shining on me recently?

because i saw -

jade from america's next top model at balcony heeren;

and shan wee, howard, jeffy (all from eye for a guy two), and daniel ong getting out from this cab which stopped right infront of me outside st james' power station; and which i boarded after them (:

ok lah so i know they ain't like superstars or what, but cheap thrill lah can (as justin will agree). and it's not like everyday i get to see gorgeous people live up front. heh.

i finally visited Vivocity like after forever.

the place is really huge and the only thing that i like about the place? its open deck where you can see sentosa and a really nice view.

feels like i'm on board a cruise ship.

went with my girls adelene and huisi, and we did our favourite thing - whack some balls.

there's so many shops there like Gap, Forever 21 and Topshop but i didn't get a single thing. seriously, it's too family-oriented a mall and the place is crawling over with babies in prams and toddlers running about.

eugene and jared came to join us for dinner.

speaking of dinner, food republic is out to rip us lah. the laksa i bought, though it was damn nice really, cost me a freaking 6.90$.

movies were too damn crowded and shops were the same old, so we decided to go chill at st james power station, which was really just a bit of a walk away.

that place is damn nice lah. haha. 15$ for ladies and 20$ for guys and you can enter any lounge or club inside the place, and you get one free drink. and they serve wasabi-flavoured chips! i like (:

and black nails, i heart.

it'll be kBox and movies tomorrow with the sister, MoS wednesday night to celebrate cat's birthday, and helping out at the Asian TV Awards thursday at Suntec.
jared's birthday party on saturday, and ronald's celebration on sunday. why is everybody like born in november? i swear i'm gonna go broke this month. LOL.

in case you failed to notice, you're not the only ones with a truckload of problems. quit thinking that the world revolves around you and you alone, though it is just so tempting to wallow in self-pity and misery. quit thinking that what you're doing is so fucking noble, because it is not. and in case you failed to notice, i am tired of it all and i don't give a flying fuck any longer. we all have our own lives to lead, and we all live ultimately for ourselves. maybe the only love i have is for myself, and there is nothing wrong with that, is there?

i close my eyes and fly out of my mind.

2006-11-26T19:15:00.000+08:00

"Do you know what pain is? Pain is when you have to smile with a bleeding heart. Pain is when you have to hide your tears and not let anyone know that you are weak. Pain is when you create alternate stories to tell your friends because you do not want them to know where you really were. Pain is when you know the truth but you run away from it.

Pain is the most painful when you have lost all tears and all that you are left with is a wounded heart and a broken spirit. "

i dreamt of blood last night.

my blood.

the wound was raw, and open, and painful.

it hurts so bad that it doesn't feel any more.

i don't feel anymore.

i've been wearing black alot lately. but it's not like i'm in mourning.

it's not like i'm in mourning.

fuck, i have a right to feel everything that i feel; about anyone and anything. and i feel that this entire thing is fucking stupid.

ALRIGHT PEOPLE I SWEAR THAT THE NEXT POSTS WILL BE HAPPY ONES. BECAUSE GRACE CHEN BOUNCES STRAIGHT UP AND ABOUT. SHE DOESN'T STAY DOWN FOR TOO LONG. BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING WASTE OF EMOTION AND TIME. AND THIS POST IS UP ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DENY MY FEELINGS. BECAUSE DENYING YOUR FEELINGS IS ANOTHER FUCKING STUPID THING TO DO.

2006-11-25T06:26:00.000+08:00

because i am a narcissist;

and nobody said narcissists need to be gorgeous (:

don't ask me how i feel, because i don't know myself either. don't ask me what i think, because i don't know either. don't ask me what i am going to do, because i don't know either. but don't tell me what to do, because i can not.

i really don't know.

exams are over (:

2006-11-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

we were cruising down the expressway at 120 km/h after supper last night.

windows open, music blasting, the car raced through the road in the velvet thickness of the night.

the wind was in our hair, our face and in every word we speak.

it was pure adrenaline. i could have remained there forever.

thank you, lester. thank you, weiliang. you didn't know it, but both of you helped so much.

2006-11-20T02:07:00.000+08:00

my seat number for my 108 paper tomorrow is 108.

i hope that somehow gives me good luck.

because i am in desperate need of some.

AH. to all of us sitting for papers this week (identical paper and seat numbers or otherwise), good luck and good night.

2006-11-18T02:58:00.000+08:00

i want to congratulate myself for wasting an entire day today.

decided to stay over the weekend in hall cause they're doing upgrading works at home and the mother said it'll be noisy.

so i did cause staying in hall meant being able to mug better; and it'll be distraction-free cause there won't be alot of people anyway (meaning it'll be sad and lonely too).

AH, how wrong i was.

i didn't touch any of the revision i planned to do today at all (okay, just maybe like 30% of one module) AND, ended up talking with quite a bit of the hall people (hanming why did you have to come and disturb me hahaha. and then yongsheng called to talk about some xiaomeimei HAHA) so ya, go figure.

on another note altogether, i think we (or maybe just me) have come to be so acquainted with politically-correct speech (or as rachel says, PC) that i swear i even THINK political correct. i mean, hello, i actually think politically-correct thoughts. like how dumb can that get. thoughts are meant to be in its rawest form, no? haha ah well. or maybe i'm just nice even in my rawest state :D

i am listening to john mayer's "dreaming with a broken heart" on repeat and i absolutely <3 it.

can i just be crazy and post up pictures of another birthday taken ages ago?

so i just did (: adelene's birthday in october at newyork newyork (: food there wasn't all that great,though.

ok, if i don't start on 108 and 111 already i swear i'm gonna say hello to them again next semester. ah, CHOY.

i am glad to have met nice people in hall :))

2006-11-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

feeling a wave of melancholy right now, don't mind me; i get that once in awhile.

don't know what i am doing online when i really should be revising 102.

101 today was... okay. i guess taking literature in jc has helped somewhat in time management while writing essays. i could maybe refer to 101's textbook right now to check if i got the points in my essay correct but there's really no point in doing that.

i miss home, and i miss my mom :( she's really the best, and i might be nasty to her at times but she still treats me with all her love. fuck, i don't wanna cry right now.

it's always a clash of logic and emotions - i wanna go home after my paper tomorrow but logic says i should stay in hall over the weekend to revise and not waste time travelling back and forth.

completely no link but i just feel like posting up some pictures of priscilla's birthday celebration two weeks ago.

i can't wait for the exams to be over and done with already. i need my life back. i don't understand alot of things people do; and i guess i don't wanna bother anymore.

for now, that packet of chips seems tempting. and i really need to return to my 102 notes.

update - it's my sis's last paper tomorrow for the O's. wishing her all the best and study smart! you can so have fun tomorrow already, it's not fair :( we shall go out and have fun after the 22nd, okie? much loves from your elder sis,and i miss you! <3

2006-11-13T01:32:00.000+08:00

there was one time when i wrote the h in my chinese name too hastily and instead of enhui, it read as ennui.

there really is such a word as ennui.

en·nui (n-w, nw) n.

Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom.

and oh gawd, how it so aptly describes the entirety of my mood right now.

i would also like to add that i'm in a slight depression, because

1- i'm getting fat.
2- i'm doing absolutely nothing about it.
3- i just had supper.
4- i think i'm going to get somemore.

and;

5- today was totally not conducive AT ALL.

the only thing i did today was to read the last half of a chapter of my 101 textbook. it being my last chapter and having therefore wrapped up my readings for 101 doesn't quite console me, because i was suppose to start on 102 and finish up 107 today as well.

oh, did i also mention i spent half the day doing up my blog layout? (which i think is super pretty and i <3 it loads; and which is also besides the point)

and my intentions to study at TM's starbucks or at the airport NEVER materialised.

and while writing notes or looking through lecture slides, my mind never fails to wander off to post-exam plans - where i want to dress up, hit town, party the night away, and play some pool.

AH. i feel like ripping my head off.

and i still feel like eating right now. damn it, grace chen.

2006-11-11T02:57:00.000+08:00

i <3 pastamania and i <3 ba chor mee, oyster omelette and tangyuan at bedok 85.

gastronomic pleasures are a must after an entire day of mugging and writing seemingly endless notes(:

2006-11-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

108 have officially ended and i'm officially in disbelief. the past months of meetings and discussion and late-nights at maclab has all come to an end. so damn fast lah can. but well, i had fun while it lasted. and made some good friends while at it (:

it's been a madcap rush of getting the video and website done, doesn't help that 108's deadline is after the other projects, and our group's one hella procrastinator. but we work well under stress, don't we. well, much credits to the only guy in our group - justin, really. LOL.

and so today after our presentation, which i say went pretty well; we destressed at jingting's hall lounge by doing the unthinkable - camwhoring with charlotte's mac :D

there are like a dozen more and i have SERIOUSLY no idea what the fuck i'm doing uploading and linking these pictures when i REALLY SHOULD BE DOING MY REVISION. ah fuck. i need to destress la. PLUS i think the pictures are damn pretty (:

it's been two times in a row already, literally in a row (:

2006-11-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

did some much-needed retail therapy yesterday. blew like 90 bucks at bugis street and it was all worth it (: really needed to destress after all the workload lah.

i <3 my new top and pumps (:

exams are coming in like less than two weeks and i have not started. really glad its e-learning this week so there's no lectures at all tomorrow, gonna utilise the whole day to mug my ass off.

results for 101 midterm 2 is out, i improved drastically and i'm just glad my hard work paid off (:

have been celebrating birthdays after birthdays this past month. a friend just told me that research has shown that more singaporeans are born in the month of october than in any other month. no wonder lah. maybe thats cause nine months ago, it was ahem, valentines' day. goodness, ha ha. have been eating cakes and spending money on gifts like damn alot for october. ha ha. but well, it's all worth it ok. OCTOBER BABIES ROCK (:

had a random thought the other day. i've lost much of it since, but it's gotta do with my being young only once, and never having fallen in love, and my being nonchalant of relationships anyway, and of being single. sometimes rather enlightening thoughts just struck at the most unlikely moments, and try as you might, you just can not get most of it back another day.

anyhow, i guess i should just push any such thoughts to the back of my mind at least till after 22nd november, cause yes, that's when my exams will end.

if you don't know by now - i like hall, i like school, and i like the people (: in hall - i like the nice fuzzy feeling i get when we celebrate seemingly endless birthdays, i like the chilling out at the canteen over meals, i like the familiarity. in school - i like attending lectures and tutorials, i like dressing up for school, i like the group study, project meetings and rushing for deadlines. being an undergrad isn't all that thrilling, exciting or feel good most of the time, but at least i feel blessed, and i'm glad.

now all that is left is mugging for the exams. AH! mug, grace, mug.
ps. ( you might most likely spot me at TM starbucks over the weekend with my notes and laptop and all. i heart that place.)

2006-10-22T02:58:00.000+08:00

and she says, you don't know me,
you don't wear my chains.

i am feeling chained.

it's freaking three a.m. and i'm repulsed by certain persons. bleurgh. let's just say certain persons are just meant to remain mere acquaintances.

so since i really should be typing out my 102 written report but am too bored to continue, i shall post some random pictures i otherwise would be too lazy to put up.

angeleigh and i in ij uniforms filming for our 111 project some time ago (: my first time ever donning a pinafore and i think i just look amusing.

some of the very nice people in hall who threw me the surprise party, complete with balloons and candles and cake (:

birthday present, i heart them. now only if they don't give me such bad blisters.

i like the contrast of the blue rose petals on the brown pavement of the bus stop. another birthday gift. the rose, not the bus stop.

a friend drew that and replicated many copies for me. i thought it was super sweet of her (:

my 108 group members (:

i shall now either attempt to continue my 102, or just hit the sack already.

g'night,guys.

2006-10-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

finally done with 102 presentation today.

frankly, it's quite nerve-wrecking. i've never really liked to speak in front of a group of people. i mean, close friends are fine. but not in front of a group of acquaintances (or even not, in some cases) where you have to make sure you say the right thing at the right time and not appear stupid.

it doesn't help that i take some time to arrange my thoughts and then, take even more time to direct them into coherent sentences. i really think i express myself much better through writing than speaking. in any case, it's strange that i see communication studies as my dream course but not the nitty gritty details like public speaking and class presentation that i have to go through - i only saw the journalism and publication aspect. still, practice makes perfect, i guess; and i can be damn sure there will be no lack of such practice (: what i stick to is this - act confident, and you will be confident. of course, i would actually need some solid knowledge to back that up. ha ha.

so with 102 done, that just leaves me with 102 written report, 111 presentation on thursday, 101 test on friday and 101 test next monday. it would be a miracle if i can finish everything and not get insane, what with being in hall and all.

sometimes i actually tinker with the idea of not staying in hall - as much as i totally loathe the travelling on the mrt, because i'm sure everybody knows the reason - you get too preoccupied with hall matters. and i don't even mean the informal gatherings and late-night suppers. it's the little aspects like deciding what to bring back home for the weekend and making sure you stock up on toiletries, cup noodles for that late night hunger pang, enough undergarment to get you through the week and blabla.

all these would be nonexistant if i stay at home with my mother bothering about all these logistics instead. and without all these concerns, i can then put my time to actually doing my work, and hanging out with old friends at tampines (damn, i so miss that place). right now, my weekends are just spent travelling from ntu to tampines and back, tying up loose ends over backlogged work, and catching up on sleep and maybe some tv. weekends are usually over in like five seconds.

still, it's just a rumination, i'll see how it goes after this one or two semester (read: my results). and besides, i heart my hall people loads! did i mention the two surprise parties they threw for me last weekend? oh i already did. heh. oh yeah, i'll blog about my birthday and upload pictures like soon, if i ever find the time. LOL.

so yeah, i guess it all boils down to self-discipline and all that jazz.

off to prepare my 111 presentation! (:

2006-10-16T04:08:00.000+08:00

i need to start on some regular exerise regime like crunches or something. i've put on some bloody kilos from all that late-night suppers and worse thing is, people actually notice! unfortunately it's a deadly combination of an intense love for eating and an abhorrence towards exercising.

so there, say hello to pudgy grace.

THANK YOU ALL WHO WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE 14TH (:

sorry if i did not actually reply to your sms - i received over 50 sms that night, and that was excluding personal greetings and phonecalls so it was a wee bit difficult to reply to everybody (: plus the fact that i was in zouk that night partying with friends and downing alcohol and the likes, you get the idea. HA. still, i appreciate everybody who remembered to text me, loves.

had two surprise parties in hall and pressies from people i didn't expect. details and more will be updated next time. this week is gonna be super busy, with two presentations and essays to rush.

g'night, world! (:

2006-10-09T22:08:00.000+08:00

ever had one of those damn shagged but fulfilling days?

today's one of them (:

jus got back hall from half a day of filming at cityhall with my 108 group members. it was crazy cabbing to cityhall from ntu and then back, and lugging the video camera and tripod around; but it was all good. it was my first ever outdoor filming and boy, i had fun :D

you know it's like i'm having so much fun, that it's kinda reminscent of my very first year in jc. where i was so caught up in the whirlwind of activities and awed by the transition period that studies were the last thing on my mind. add total independence to the equation right now, and it's pretty scary if you think about it. but it's like, fuck, this is where i wanted to be like all my life. since secondary school, my dream ever, was to get into ntu's mass communication. cos i figured that this is the only place i ever wanna be in. and no way am i gonna screw this up. my A level grades wasn't all that fantastic, though i'm still proud of my gp and literature grades; but it's like, i can't live in the past glory. right now, this is the present - pun totally intended. the present is the present, and i so will not fuck up.

i'm gonna work hard, and play hard too. and i have the next four years to do that. i so gotta up my ante, starting from now, and i don't wanna disappoint my parents and myself. it's like you have all the smart, sophisticated, and articulate people here and they're all beautiful to boot; it's freaking unfair. i got a long way to catch up,man. i don't feel particularly inferior, i mean - i am here, afterall, but i wanna stretch my potential. cos i know as of now, i sure ain't using much of it.

so as of now, studies is of top priority. but obviously it ain't gonna be what my whole uni-life is about - i'm in like two sub-committees in hall and am in the main committee for ntu's snooker club; but i ain't gonna let other things consume too much of my time or energy that i end up neglecting my studies. i mean, i actually know of people who are studying in mass comm and working at the same time, and i admire how they can actually cope. and right now the only thing i'm balancing studies with? -- having fun.

i am so not gonna let relationship matters take up too much of my time. anway i'm a commitment-phobe so that already helps somewhat. i've figured, i cannot and will not commit, not for this year at least. i just wanna have fun. and come on, i completely believe in platonic friendships, at least at one point or another. i really wonder wassup with some guys. i completely <3 singlehood and freedom.

and i hope i ain't turning alcoholic; i just had baileys shots and lots of other alcohol i can't remember what like a few nights in a row last week, ended up all red and high, but i had fun. as long as you have fun and know your limits, there's nothing wrong, eh (:

five more days to the big 2-0 :D

gawd, i realise i am so fucking abstract. i need to lay out some solid plans like now (:

2006-09-24T02:46:00.000+08:00

this week is supposedly like recess week, but hello, with the truckloads of work i gotta do, i don't see no recess at all. ha ha.

headed to double o and o-bar last friday night with the hall people - kahyan, lester, weiliang, ziwei and his friend. again, my virgin visit. the drinks were so cheap the seniors bought like shot after shot, and jug after jug. and i swear i cant drink tequila shots at all. i only had two and i couldn't walk straight after that. hurhur.

again, i had people puking all over me. damn, i just havta be in the way whenever a friend feels like puking. bumped into terence, and vincent at o-bar. that place ain't bad, i like the rnb music they play there; only gripe i have about the place is the disgusting toilet. they only hav two sinks in the ladies and one was filled with puke. gross, i tell you.

can somebody tell me why is it that bad boys are so darn attractive, even when i'm gonna turn twenty next month already? with their devil may care attitude and rougish ways, you can only imagine that girls can not wait to spit on them and kick them in the groin. instead, those are the exact qualities that have us girls swooning all over and kissing the ground they walk on. whatever is wrong with us??

finals of singapore idol, jon leong MUST win -crosses fingers and will not uncross them till the results are out- did i mention his rendition of snow patrol's chasing cars made me melt like hot butter? he ain't exactly my protype of bad boy, but boy, does he have style. he's my singapore idol <3

oh and if you wanna know who's my prototype of bad boy, just take a look at lost's sawyer, or josh holloway if you will. he's so bad he's sizzling hot <3

i just don't quite fancy mr nice guy (:

just a random thought, i think hype of any sort should just be forbidden and banned. it's precisely all the hype about teenage premaritial sex and smoking and alternative lifestyles that lead people to try them out. don't mention them, and nobody will know. like they say, ignorance is bliss. people always like to rebel, i think it's innate. tell them that smoking kills and smoking is for the ahbengs on the street, and you have sixteen seventeen year olds just wanting to go against the flow cos they don't like to conform. individualism is the new buzzword nowadays. don't even mention the sixteen year olds, anyone else wants to be individualistic. so i say, screw all the hype. seriously, if there wasn't all the hype about the title of that movie years ago, something about The Spy Who Shagged Me or whatever it was, i wouldn't even know the other meaning of the word shag. and it's not like it's of any importance to anyone anyway. ha ha.

ok sorry, it's nearing three a.m. and i'm incoherent (:

i wanna go hang out in the east with all my pre-university friends, at least for this week (the supposedly recess week, remember) people, ring me up.

2006-09-20T23:33:00.001+08:00

i used to think i was this really easygoing and open person, but it's like i've grown to become so private it scares me. this space used to be an outlet for any and every sort of emotional and mental rant and vent, but it has since whittled to the occassional frivolous marking down of events and days gone by. no more archives link, because i figured there's no need for others to read about my past. but if you ever take a glance at them, you would see the stark difference between the entries then and now. i've gone through putting down my raw thoughts and feelings and ended up offending or hurting others. now everything is self-censorship. yet i've grown too attached to this online platform i call my own, to leave completely and assume another identity and leave my thoughts on some other domain. now i've to tweak words and twist meanings just to put down the entirety of my emotions at that particular moment, just so that it would not get that obvious; and so that there is still room for ambiguity. it's almost like red tape just to get what i wanna say across onto the blog, and taking extra care not to hurt and offend. i laugh at the irony of having a blog in the first place, and how it has to come to this. i used to give freely my blog address, now in this new schooling environment, i am reluctant to even say i have a blog. it's impossible to pinpoint the causes for change, and i guess i would not attempt to. but people change, and i have.

it's getting stupid, this whole thing. i just wanna be friends, because for at least this first year in university, i just wanna concentrate on my studies and making new friends. sorry to disapoint you, but i'm a commitment-phobe. it would take a miracle to see otherwise. i just wanna have fun.

2006-09-13T16:24:00.000+08:00

in my dream world, nobody skips lectures or tutorials. cliques don't exist, and there is no unrequited love. and in my dream world, religion or race doesn't matter; music is our spoken language, and dancing the way of life.

2006-09-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

school's really picking up pace now. there's so many things to do, i'm going crazy. projects, and readings, and assignments, and midterm tests. though it gets really stressing having to catch up and all ( cos i've skipped a coupla lecture and tutorials oops ) but you know what? i like it exactly like that (:

my mood gets the better of me at times, reallly. like this past week, i just didn't feel like attending any lessons on wednesday - and i had three on that day, so i just skipped it. some severe bout of depression lah. one of the seniors living above me even asked is it i'm having perpetual pms. haha. cos i go around telling people that i'm depressed when i am depressed. well, we all have one of those days, don't we all.

ANYWAY, MOS on wednesday. ladies night, no less. and my virgin visit too! yes, laugh please. i ain't no chiongster lah. haha. MOS is damn good.

in the cab with kah yan and cathryn. kin the pageant king took the picture for us. too bad i didn't manage to take a picture with him lah, cos he mostly disappeared after we reached the club, hooking up with some girl. LOL.

camwhoring in the pretty MOS toilet!

between the three of us ladies, we shared four jugs of vodka redbull, long island and vodka ribena. long island was damn strong, we all got quite high.

i had fun that night, and i'm so gonna hit MOS again. it's so much better than zouk.

anyway. some pictures with my fellow hall-mates. hall niners!

my roomie joyce and i.

edwin and me.

kahyan and me on the rooftop (:

me, YY and belinda at supper.

me and yuen bo - inverse colours.

hall life's a flurry of activities, but i had really better get my ass back to the books. there's so many readings to catch up on, and lecture notes to print, and stuff to research on. i had so better not get distracted by other things. ha ha. i'll catch y'all soon!

2006-09-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

if only, once in awhile, we get to do what we feel like doing.

if only, just for a moment, i get to pry and look inside everyone's soul. pry. unscrew. tear. gnaw. pull. see. peer deep inside at all their deep, dark secrets.

spill every grime-covered thought laced with lust, and hurt, and guilt, and burden, and desire, and hatred. spill them over; watch as they overflow; watch as they never end. watch as every single detail is burst into a myraid of vivid colors; watch as the grey hue thickens and crumbles.

watch, even if you don't want to. watch, because your eyes are open even though they are closed.

no more second-guessing. no more trying to intrigue. no more fantasies behind closed doors. no more trying to sound intelligent than you really are. no more playing hard to get. no more ambiguity.

everything is out in the open. everything is plain for all to see.

maybe it would get better this way.

if only, once in awhile, we get to do what we feel like doing.

2006-08-29T15:17:00.000+08:00

this is so ironic.

i just moved a fridge into my hostel room, but i can't take anything cold cos i'm having cough and cold and a teeny weeny bit of cramps. so, the fridge is happily placed there for the convenience of my friends. see, i'm so nice!

school has picked up pace and we're right now into group projects and individual assignments. kill me already somebody, cos i have zero interest in this particular module which gives like the most number of individual assignments.

a friend who studies in nus once told me that school, or whatever faculty you're in, is almost like cca; and hall is where all the action is.

in ntu it is the same, it is the same.

there is another matter - balancing new friends and the old; and keeping the old.

it gets so hard really, when i'm in the west and most of my friends reside in the east. and i can't stand travelling on the mrt all the way to town and back lah. i just get really sleepy by the time i reach cityhall/boonlay.

yongsheng made me laughed when he text me, tot of meeting u or something catch up abit, gonna forget how u look like soon.

eh, there's always Friendster. ha ha.

yes i miss all you people in the east, and i miss tampines mall like crazy! you can not imagine the immense sense of comfort you can get from familiarity. especially dining at tm's pastamania!

aaaand my family. my dad shows his love really by actions - by fetching me back to ntu every sunday night and helping me move in the fridge and fixing up all the powerpoints cos i'm such a klutz when it comes to anything electronic.

this is really the transition period, and hell, as we move along, i pray i get well soon enough to drink something nice and cold.

2006-08-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

hello all.

ive got a laptop! fujitsu! and its so pretty. im using it in my hostel room like right now. so exciting can. my first laptop leh. ha ha.

hall life is craaazy, i just dont have the pictures (yet) to prove it. school life is still sorta manageable, it being the second week and all; but we all know its gonna get real crazy soon enough.

i've been sleeping at 3 a.m. almost every night - who can resist the temptations of late-night suppers out, and hanging around each other's rooms till unearthly hours at night! and it certainly doesn't help that most of my classes are morning lectures at 8.30 a.m.

and every morning, breakfast is optional. did i also say, there are a gazillion steps in ntu. and i swear the slope leading up to my hall is gonna give me abs and a toned butt in a coupla months.

and the people here are nice. i've a tonne of examples of how far they actually go with their generosity and helpfulness. damn nice la! its like one big happy family. well, sorta.

i just hope i don't over-indulge and overdose on this whole new madcap lifestyle (:

2006-08-09T18:40:00.000+08:00

its a crazy little world out there. i get scared by things i ought to know but don't, i get scared by the prospect of having to be independent, i get scared by people who are so much smarter, l get scared when i think about the decision made, and the decisions i'll have to make. i get scared when i act completely unlike myself and then realise that maybe this is me, afterall.

its a crazy little world out there.

2006-07-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

i dontknow whats my problem,i suddenly feel like the whole decision is damn fucking wrong. why do i always think of the what-ifs and if-onlys? the choice has been made,the road splayed out ahead. am i regretting? i fucking hate regrets. and i hate decisions that hav been made,only to toss and turn it over again and again,trying to convince myself it is the best choice. and it doesn't help that the grass always seem greener on the other damn side. god help me,because there is no way i can turn back.

2006-07-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

i muz think i'm filthy rich or something. i keep taking taxis nowadays like it's nobody's business. oh wait, it's the taxi-drivers' business but, ah, whatever. i had better abstain from splurging as if my parents own a few taxi companies or something la.

cabbed down to esplanade just now to join huisi, adelene and derek for baybeats! this local band, whats their name again - ah, the great spy experiement, was rocking the waterfront, and boy, were they good! i say local groups are getting better and better.

and ahem, a certain guitarist of the band caught the eye of a certain friend of mine,ahem. they're good, and goodlooking too! haha! think the likes of coldplay or keane and you roughly get an idea of the great spy experiment.

and since we were at esplanade, i just had to go take a look at dxo since there's a party happening there tonight. i was suppose to go la, but i need to pack my stuff for hostel and there's no bloody time left! even as i type right now, there's like a gazillion things left to pack in la. and you know i hate packing. hur.

frankly, the past week hav just been activity after another. the job stint at shell, a day's temp at muse inc (the company which organised the shell event), graceyu's birthday party at cocca latte, pool at parkway, karaoke last night with ex-colleagues at katong mall, down to ntu to check out my room with my roomie, and baybeats!

ah, to earn some moolah and have fun - the pre-requisites before moving to the west. and i'll be gone for a week for hall camp! so exciting la.

some pix now, for your viewing pleasure (specially for you glenny HAHA).

graceyu's birthday at cocca latte, darn lousy quality pix. its not my phone's fault la, its the lightings at cocca latte. HA.

graceyu with her birthday cake!

i toldja the quality is damn bad. thats huisi and kaiying my cousin beside me, and graceyu and elissa; if you can even make out the faces. lol.

yongsheng!! a picture of you, quick grab it!

and amazingly i did not get high that night. okay, maybe for jus a split second because what i got instead was a splitting headache. seriously, i think i got a hangover on that very night at cocca latte. an advanced hangover, thank you very much -.-

but still, graceyu woman! we love you! hope you had fun that night =))

shell card launch!

look at the number of taxis at the airport. if only thats the amount of taxi-drivers we got as well, cuz it kinda got bloody boring when only one taxi-driver came per hour.

me, tony and weiwei. ahh! i miss these people!

the very nice uncle who sent me to work to yishun! or boonlay! or tiong bahru! =)

the taxi-drivers queueing up for their free medical check-up.

group picture!

as weiwei and i agreed, the job, as boring as it got sometimes, was absolutely compensated more than enough by the very fun and nice company we had in each other =) tell me what's not to miss about it! sob.

alrighty, it'll be off to a week's camp for me. catch y'all a week later! =)

2006-07-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

omg, i'm so bloody tired like again. but weird as i am, i actually quite fancy this fatigue. i've been feeling too damn slack since forever that this lethargy is very much welcomed. ha ha. i swear i'm gonna be a workaholic next time. i love working la.

and it very much helps that the people in the workplace are all tremendously nice people. ah! i already miss working for the shell card launch can. sob. took some pix with the pple, will put them up when i've the time, if i even find the time to, cuz-

i'll be moving into hall next week!! and i'm so damn excited!! its so exciting can. nerve-wrecking and scary and exciting all at the same bloody time =)

i didnt even realise it was so fast until my roomie joyce smsed me and i'm like, omg. yeah, my roomie's joyce too, my sister's namesake. so its gonna b quite cool huh, away from home but still staying with "joyce". hur hur.

its gonna be another crazy whirlwind phase of life =)

alright, really damn shagged now. will post pix up tomorrow, i think. goodnight loves!

2006-07-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

OMG I'M SO EXCITED =))

2006-07-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

i'm too damn tired to do a proper post. work has been tiring, but damn fun. if you've been listening to gold 90fm or 95.8fm you would hav heard of this shell card event for cabbies happening island-wide and thats what im doing. its damn interesting seeing all the cabbies, they're one bunch of colorful characters la.

and at first i was like kinda worried abt how i'm gonna make it to bloody yishun or boon lay by 7.45am in the morning; but thank god really, this damn nice uncle whos transporting our stuff lives at pasir ris so he said since i live so near him, he can give me a lift to and fro all the far off places. problem solved. heh. and last night i came home so damn tired i went to bed at like 8.40pm.

its gonna be a week more of work after which the pay's gonna come in, and i am so gonna b saving up the moolah man, mayb limit myself to like spending only 30% of it or something. i'll so be needing money in the uni. work's fun, people i'm working with are tremendously nice, and i get to travel to towns in singapore i'll otherwise never set foot in if not for work. and i got to see two djs from each of the station who came down to do a live report.

changi airport terminal 2 tomorrow!

2006-07-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

had a pretty fun week :) seriously, it feels damn good to be healthy, and be able to do whatever i want and go wherever i want la.

finally got to play some pool at parkway :)

with derek and huisi, my regular pool khakis ha ha.

adelene! who joined us after work and who had to whack some balls to relieve her stress.

steamboat at marina bay.

priscilla, yongsheng and me! ha ha.

wah, i like this picture. don't yongsheng and i look like we're shooting some mv? ha ha!

ah, food.

chengwei, kevin and nelson came to join us; then off to play some pool again after dinner! heh.

and last evening, went to catch the s-league at tampines stadium! tampines rovers against home united. huisi and i got in for free cuz we got complimentary tickets, while derek had to pay. ha ha!

it was the first time i ever went to watch a s-league match, and the atmosphere was kinda fun la. with da crowds shouting and cheering, it was pretty darn cool. don't just write the singapore team off,man. it ended with a 1-1 draw, tampines rovers rock :)

kindly refrain from forcing me to do what i don't wanna do, or even jokingly with a threat. bcuz as much as i can see it is probably out of concern, it can backfire and push me away even more. i am fine with the current situation as it is and if i ever am convicted to do otherwise, so be it. but as of now, please, don't. thank you.

i think i shouldn't think so much, sometimes. while i like the company and enjoy the meetings, i really wonder am i reading too much into it. and it certainly doesn't help that i'm the sort to wear my heart on my sleeve.

2006-07-14T16:44:00.000+08:00

tagged by huisi :)

YOUR TEN FAVOURITES:
colors: purple, white, blue, pink, black.
food: seafood, pasta, sushi.
songs: chill-out rock.
movies: butterfly-effect.
sports: pool, both the table and the water. ha ha.
season: fall.
ice-cream flavours: corn.
countries: i like singapore.
things: my handphone and currently, my white earrings. ha ha.

YOUR NINE CURRENTS:
current mood: at peace and in love, with myself. ha ha!
current clothes: sleeveless tee and shorts.
current desktop: my blog picture.
current toe nails: long neglected. ha ha. i dont care much for pedicures or manicures.
current time: 4.30pm.
current annoyance: that i will hav to travel down to yishun and toa payoh next week for work. ugh.
current thoughts: watching s-league tonight with huisi and derek at tampines stadium!
current songs: sandi thom's i wish i was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.
current chatter: nobody. i'm busy blogging, dude.

YOUR 8 FIRST:
girlfriend: i really think this refers to boyfriend if you're a girl and girlfriend if you're a guy, but who cares. ha ha. huisi! priscilla! my dearie sis joyce!
crush: haha. aint telling.
movie: some disney movie, no doubt. i so miss those drawings. now with all those 3D computer-animated films, it just aint the same anymore. sigh.
piercing: ear.
lie: erm, probably when i tried to win my sister in some game. LOL.
music: whatever song my mom sang to me as a child for lullaby.
toy: barbie doll?
cry: 14th october 1986

YOUR 6 LAST:
last drink: if you're referring to normal drink, jus plain water. alchohol- should be vodka orange.
last car ride: parent's car.
last crush: HAHA. if i aint telling my first, why would i be tellin my last?
last movie seen: scary movie 4.
last phone call: lena regarding the job next week.
last cd played: alanis morissette!

5 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING: my heart on my sleeve, or so i think. maybe i should not, afterall. ha ha.

4 THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TODAY: watched tv, ate, smsed, online.

3 THINGS YOU HEAR RIGHT NOW: music from power98 fm.

2 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: my friends and my family.

1 THING I DO WHEN IM BORED: get narcissistic. HAHA.

WHO I WANT TO DO THIS: nah, dont feel like tagging anyone.

done!

will be putting up pictures soon when i figure out whats wrong with my bluetooth device. s-league tonight! :) must support singapore team la! and meanwhile can check out any coughcutecough singapore players.

2006-07-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

i like walking on crisp green grass :)

and i love iced vanilla latte and people-watching. heh.

so the football fever is finally over. you know what, the players were brillant, most of the matches exciting; but im so gonna be missing the commentators. they were the ones who added some spice and wit into each match la.

from lame remarks like "and the team who loses will have to pack their bags and fly home. unless, of course, if it's germany, cuz they live here" for the germany-italy match; to the classic moments - "oh my goodness gracious me, what has zidane done?" for the notorious acclaimed finals between italy and france. LOL.

i actually kinda liked materazzi (his tattos give off the oh-so-bad-boy-vibe ha ha) and was damn happy that he scored that nice goal for italy until the zidane's head-butting incident. i really wanna know what he said to the french captain man. reports have it that he insulted zidane and stuff, oh well, shows you boys will be boys. there's no lack of such interesting highlights like the one between cristiano ronaldo and rooney; in soccer, is there. ha ha.

and now nicknames are sprouting up over msn having zidane synonymous with shaolin la. LOL. its actually quite sad la eh, it being his last match and all. but still, he will always be known as one hell of a classic player, and everyone knows that.

to sidetrack, buffon is cute! so is yaquinta! :D

havta wait another four years now for the next worldcup and getting to watch it with the dad and sis; and with it, the funny and sometimes sarcarstic commentators. heh.

startings are always kinda nice :)

2006-07-07T15:30:00.000+08:00

its so cliche but it took me like how long to finally grasp the fact that yeah, health is indeed so darn important.

i've jus gotten sick like twice in jus a few weeks. fever 1-2 weeks ago, and right now, some food poisoning or viral infection thats causing me to puke whatever i eat or drink. and its making me so damn weak la, the nurse even got me a wheelchair at the polyclinic.

but, to look on the bright side, as i always do ha ha, being sick and downright weak enabled me to be fussed over and waited upon like a little kid by my mother. and because i got sick within a coupla weeks, i lost quite a few kgs la, to my ideal weight sorta.

the only regrettable thing being, unable to make it down to mos tonight hence not being able to celebrate dear huisi's 21st birthday. i'm so sorry, girl, but we'll make it up sometime soon, ya? and no, its not just a birthday, it's your 21st, and its ever so important to me.

so yeah, most important thing is to get me well now, then with good health, i can do anything i want. heh.

2006-07-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

buying cds for me is like starting a love affair.

its lik, at the cd store, i glance through the titles - i know some of the songs, others i've never heard before. then i pay for it, bring it home, and with anticipation, pop the cd into the cd-player , and lie down on my bed listening to every song. i dont normally like to look at the lyrics first, i think its more interesting to listen to songs that i've never heard before and try to make out what the lyrics say before actually knowing what it says.

thats abit like getting to know a guy, eh. you know some parts of him, other parts are a mystery and you just wanna unravel it bit by bit, and make out some bits inside your head before really getting to know him eventually. and then after awhile, you get bored. ha ha. wth.

and just fyi, i dont buy cds often :)

and yes, i've finally gotten my hands on the alanis morissette compilation cd! her songs just rock la.

***
feeling good is lying on my bed on a breezy day, windows open, listening to the latest cd i've bought and sipping an ice-cold drink.

feeling good is when i think a cute stranger hot, and he pretty much thinks the same about me too. ha ha.

feeling good is getting lost in a good book, and feeling like nothing else matters at that moment.

and, feeling good is being able to sleep in late and wake up at like one pm simply because i can.

simple pleasures in life make it more the worth living :)

***
rachel, thanks so much for lending the three books! its been too long since i've immerse myself in a good read. heh.

had billy bombers for the first time in my life with my dearie sis, joyce, yesterday.

and may i say, i think their all-star burger sucks. ha ha. but i enjoyed the kbox and the time out with the sister.

on another note altogether, for godsake, hello, it's only a mere ten minutes. i hav no idea what you're so pissed over. if you wanna go spoil it all again, up to you, i'm not gonna bother anymore. so there :)

and huisi, i'll do your tag soon ok. heh.

mos this friday!

2006-07-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

i realise this might as well be a sunday-blog. ha ha.

heard news of an ex jc-schoolmate who passed away in a motorbike accident. though i dont know her personally at all - the thought of someone around my age, whom i've seen a coupla times in the past two years, who's just gone like that... is damn saddening and tragic. the reality of death is there, whether we like it or not.

anyway. change of layout. i so heart that song by sandi thom.

huisi! i so regret not getting the alanis morisette cd from gramophone. and at a darn cheap price of twelve bucks too la! ugh.

so. as august draws nearer, i'm gettin more tangled up with contradicting emotions la. new school, new people, new experience, and at the other extreme end of the island. and living away from home! i'm so looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. as casse and i were saying, jurong point's gonna be our new hangout. ha ha.

i actually caught the england-portugal match at some coffeeshop last night with my dad and sis. my sis wanted to watch it badly cuz of beckham, but i dont care much about him. rather, portugal's cristiano ronaldo is so darn cute, can. i could watch him kick that white and black ball like for ever. hahaha. and 17's my fave number too :D

and i realised, whenever the camera zoomed in to crouch - that damn tall guy from england, the uncles at the coffeeshop started laughing. i think he's seriously too damn tall to play soccer la, he looked like some awkward giraffe trying to kick ball. LOL.

2006-06-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

frankly, as powerful as the english language is, there are just certain emotions and issues that can never be brought out or described in words.

i would see literature in that way - beautiful, yet inadequate.

words generalise feelings, and i am unable to describe how it is i feel when empathy causes me to turn one way, and cold,hard logic forces me another.

it does not allow me to explain the kind of thick, bitter emotion i get when i see injustice done before my eyes; and i am unable to do anything, damn anything at all! about it.

it forces me to remain silent so as to preserve myself when deep inside i cry foul at what i see as a gross injustice.

i feel sad, i shake my head in disgust, i tell myself i'll do better - yet all words do, are just mere words.

i can only pray that things will come to a better end. for a prayer is made of words too, but powerful these words can be.

2006-06-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

i think joakim gomez from singapore idol is super cute :D

and i had fun yesterday at this fleamarket at substation with denise and her junior (this guy who's super tall and thin i'm jealous ha ha). i bought two tops, and supper at geylang after was great :) lets go out one more time before you fly off, denise! :)

i'v got so many darn things to do i'm freakin stressed. i cant wait to get it all over and done with la. dont ask, ha ha. but i'm darn glad i went for speedlight today, and had alil fellowship with the church people.

i hope everything goes well, am jus gonna trust in Him.

happy week ahead, all!

2006-06-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

its funny how things work out sometimes, really. its lik i was tryna escape and run away and making it seem lik such a big insurmountable problem, when really, i shld hav faced it and solved it. jus lik that dream i had about the highway, the solution is really simple and easy. im jus glad things worked out and end up the way it did. thanks :)

okay ive been lik on a movie-spree this past week. so far, have watched the nun, she's the man, and love story. and ALL of them are damn good! definitely worth every cent la. the nun may seem cliched and alil slow-moving at first but the pace definitely picks up and works together for a great ending. she's the man is hilarious la. amanda bynes is jus a darn good actress, i say. i hav nv laughed so hard in a cinema since forever. love story, not bad, some laughs and at the end of it all, lik how a good artsy movie would do - raises questions and leaves us with our own interpretations. i absolutely <3 watching good films la :)

i cant wait to watch the omen now. and mayb silent hill. heh.

oh. and i passed my final! im so smart la, i passed my basic and final theory on the first time for both. LOL.

its damn saddening now that tampines pavilion is under renovation. where will i go now for my weekly (and sometimes daily) dose of pool and even kbox?? haha. so i suppose parkway is the solution la. that place aint too bad anyway. so i would be takin buses 15 and 31 alot more now. ha ha.

today with the family was damn cute can. headed to whitesands after church for teabreak, then we went to the library and EACH of us got a book and sat down together, and read for i think about an hour plus. damn cute la, something different to do with the family :) after which we had dinner. lol.

sometimes, somehow, when i least expect it; hanging out with the family is quite fun afterall :)

lit tuition tomorrow!! really hope it goes well.

and yeah, if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulder, i know that He'll carry me too :)

2006-06-07T15:34:00.000+08:00

my mom jus got me this tuition kid for literature, and i tell you i feel so damn sad for the kid la. shes like primary five and the father wants her to start being exposed to higher literary classics cuz harry potter's too simple. hmm. still, i'm kinda lookin' forward to it la. i love eng and lit and it would b great to b able to cultivate someone else's interest in that area too. jus hope i dont lik screw things up. LOL. and the extra cash inflow would certainly do some good too. ha ha.

okay my final theory test is lik this coming friday and im not even halfway through the book. its lik right now that zest and motivation to b able to drive asap has ebbed away la. i so dont mind cabbing and bein chauffeured around. ha ha.

so last saturday was my last day at work and it feels damn good to b outta the stifling environment. the best part is still keepin in contact with the ex-colleagues and hangin out once in awhile :) just had dinner at cafe cartel last evening with them and gonna meet with a few of them for lunch tomorrow. the people i met there are probably the best thing to hav come out from my working for nearly two months :)

money's so darn important and i know i cant ever imagine living without it but i dont wanna b workin my ass off this holiday. i absolutely savoured yesterday when i had the entire day in my hands spending it in whatever fashion i want to; browsing idyllically through Times at the airport and taking a long bus-ride. yeah, i absolutely <3 some me-time.

i'm sorry, but i think i still dont know what i want.

2006-06-05T19:52:00.000+08:00

3rd june - mash'd @ phuture

t'was the first time alcohol made me cry instead of laugh.

but thats not to say i didnt enjoy myself with my girls. i really, really <3 all my girls. all of you out there, seriously.

graceyu, erienne, reena, myself, huisi :)

<3

okay so theres actually 8 of us; 5 of us girls and 3 of them guys -yongsheng, nelson, wei li; but sorry didnt take too many of your pictures, guys. ha ha. next time, yeah.

the music at phuture was more of chill-out rock than music you can dance to, but it was good anyway. the mere company of my good girlfriends plus alcohol was more than anything i can ask for. and yeah, i got high. on long island, courtesy of reena. ha ha.

and it was prolly the combination of my low tolerance for alchohol plus my first time tasting long island and a confused state of mind which led me to break down outside the freaking club. and i vaguely remember rambling non-stop about stuff. i seriously hav no idea what i was thinking or doing.

i'm sincerely sorry if i screwed the night up for any one of you. but im just so, so thankful for the ones who stood by me and took care of me through the night. i really wouldnt know what i would hav done without you people. frankly, the night was a revelation of sorts.

and right now, i just hav to deal with the aftermath. which i hav absolutely zilch idea of how to go about dealing.

and i wouldnt feel half as bad as i do now if the mom isnt givin me crap as well. ohwells.

friends matter a hell lot to me and theres no doubt i will b affected and influenced by what they think, but the more i talk to them and listen to what they havta say, the more fcuking confused i get. bcuz i know ultimately i'm the one havin to make the decision for me. this is jus too hard. i'm confused and annoyed and irritated. im a fcuking escapist; i just want to escape, i dont wanna deal.

2006-06-02T18:12:00.000+08:00

31st may - tpjc choir concert @ victoria concert hall

cuz cheekian had a free ticket for me, and cuz graceyu needed some info for some school project of hers on music.

but ultimately cuz i miss tpjc la. muz support my alma mater.

yeah right. i jus wanted to go out and hav fun. LOL :)

graceyu the rich woman cabbed down vch from her house, while i alighted at cityhall mrt and got lost. i freaking turned left and walked for a good 15 minutes when really, i should hav turned right and could hav reached in lik 5 minutes -_- sigh.

but anyhow. the performance was good =) saw a few familiar faces here and there, but ultimately, its never gonna be the same again lookin back as an ex-tpjcian.

aft the concert, the rich woman and i decided we had too much to catch up on and needed somewhere nice to chill out and hav a drink and talk.

and i forgot it was a wednesday night, and therefore entrance to clubbing is free!! LOL. we headed to One Fullerton but it was stil too freaking early so we made our way to the chillout bar at Level One and omg. its damn nice la.

there was a live jazz band there and we had a jug of vodka lime ( graceyu the rich woman made a mistake. we each wanted a glass of vodka lime/orange but she ordered a jug instead )

AND hence i got high. on less than half a jug. well done, gracechen. LOL. my whole face and body turned red la. and? the marvellous thing is i had work the next day. haha.

but i had a fantastic time jus sitting on the red plush couch of One, listening to live jazz and having some heartfelt talk and laughing with a beloved girlfriend. and of cuz, who can forget the alcohol? =)

AND tomorrow night's gonna be another night out with girlfriends and alcohol. i hav 4 invites to zouk, each admitting free entry to 2 pple. so it'll be 7 friends i can call along. heh.

and jus in time too, since tomorrow's gonna be my last day at work. yes, i've finallyfinally quit. liberated, finally. =) but i'll b on the lookout for some othr part-time la. anyone hav part-time jobs call me up thk you!!

since i'm feeling liberated, here's a coupla movies i wanna splurge on:
- over the hedge
- the omen
- the nun
- she's the man
- love story

enjoy the weeeeekend, y'all =)

2006-05-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

xmen 3 sucks. big time.

wah seriously, i was so hyped up for the movie can. and the producer/director/whoever had to go and screw it up like that. they didn't do justice to the movie and the characters at all la!

i was like expecting this really in-depth, beautiful storyline but what springs out is this predictable, cliche and seriously stupid plotline and screwed-up ending. i mean, anyone can come up with a much better storyline and ending, thank you very much.

and hello, xmen is my FAVOURITE superhero story of all time, can. i've been following the cartoon ever since it began. and the final installment of the movie jus had to disappoint me big time.

*SPOILER ahead* ( cuz i'm nice and am not lik some inconsiderate people HAHA)

tell me WHY did scott, jean grey and especially the professor had to die?? they're like the most crucial characters in the comic, can? and magneto had to come to a state where he's this feeble, useless human being; stripped of all his dignity. that seriously sucks la. and tell me whats the boy with his powers to cure mutants for. they could have placed him near jean grey towards the ending right? wolverine so need not had to kill her. and i absolutely love professor x la, he so should not hav died. and whats with rouge wanting to be a human jus so she can be with a guy? and whats with mystique turning into a human being?? UGH.

ok i seriously doubt i can ever be done complaining so i should jus quit now.

just, DONT waste your moolah on xmen 3. its so not worth it.

2006-05-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

everybody's lik sayin we're only young once, it has become so cliched that i suppose the majority of us dont really grasp the meaning well enough to act upon it.

its lik, im gonna hit the big 20 this year. so age prolly doesnt account for much, but its lik, how to maximise this period of youth? how to use it to the fullest, as the cliche always go?

and im still debating over whether i shld quit my current job. ok to me, its a chore cuz i basically sit down, do nothing save for a few basic duties and earn the money. to some people thats lik a piece of heaven. a simple, no-brainer job, plus i get to use the computer, listen to music, even read up my final theory at work. but lik, that jus doesnt suit the way i am tailored, yeah?

i need to get up and move around la. this job is nice while it lasted, but too much of doing basically nothing everyday can get on one's nerves. today i had to clear up the coffee cups after the big bosses had their meeting, and as i placed every cup onto the tray, i was thinking - next time im gonna be the one attending meetings and gala events, meeting important clients and leading a purposeful life la.

its not that im super ambitious, but of cuz, who wants to lead a mundane life occupied with stuff that you cant even be bothered abt ? if im gonna work, i mights well make work enjoyable and do smthg that im passionate about. i wldnt mind havin to always b on the go all the time, or be awaken in the middle of the night for work. that is whats gonna complete me.

and right now, im jus really working to kill time and earn extra moolah so tell me WHY shld i b stuck in a no-brainer, dead-end job? i shld jus go out and explore and experience everything there is la.

and really i find that im not livin life to the fullest. i wanna b wild and crazy for once and b able to look back when im 40 and say i had my crazy days. i mean, yeah, sure you can b 40 and still b wild and crazy but its gonna b entirely different. adulthood comes laden with responsibilities and duties, unlike the carefree, spirited days of youth.

so yeah, heck. im gonna b quitting this job soon enough and b spontaneous and take life as it comes. ok mayb im cheatin alil, cuz i kinda hav a backup job LOL but whatever =))

2006-05-23T22:09:00.001+08:00

i hope i dont get like sued by the car-owner or smthg.

cuz its one very interesting car (and jus below my block, too).

www.sex@myplace.now.ok

and of cuz its car-plate number has to match up. LOL.

hmm. i would kinda lik to meet the owner of the car someday. NOT for anything la, jus to check out what kinda person he is. LOL. and funny you realise how i (and i suppose for the most of us) assume its a male, eh? cuz thats what guys are - sex-driven lust-filled creatures. HA.

took halfday off from work yesterday, went down to tpjc to meet casse to collect our A-level certs. i was early, so i walked in first to the field, where it was empty, and i was like, omg, tpjc smells the same. LOL. nostalgia and sentiment jus washed over me la. i miss tpjc darn lots =(

then it was to wild wild wet, met derek and huisi (not to play) but to go for an interview; and then headed down to paya lebar to meet adelene, where we made her wait. oops,sorry woman. haha.

and THEN, as if i wasn't tired enough, i headed over to yongsheng's house where kevin and pris were already there. pris and yongsheng were supposed to cook for the four of us, but after they cooked there wasn't even enough food for two of them -_- like, thanks ah. LOL.

so we basically just bummed and lounged around - yongsheng, kevin and me watching tv while pris on the computer.

then yongsheng took out two bottles of absolut vodka and i've-no-idea-what and started playing this number-game with kevin.

yongsheng lost like, 4-13; so he had to down THIRTEEN cups of who-knows-what-kinda-alcoholic-mixture.

priscilla had to play heroine by helping yongsheng drink. LOL.

while i jus sat very happily on his bed snapping up the moments. LOL.

i left earlier cuz i was really too damn shagged, and the next thing i know; i was on the phone with yongsheng and he was DEAD drunk la. he was speaking in slang and basically spewing nonsense. LOL.

damn, i should hav been there to see him drunk la!! i totally missed out on that moment, i've nv seen him drunk before while he has seen me drunk lik so many times. HAHA. i could hav took some pictures and videos and blackmailed him la. LOL.

i cant wait to watch X-Men 3 =))

2006-05-18T13:21:00.000+08:00

i honestly think that my dreams are tryna tell me something.

jus last night i dreamt of travelling on a highway, scorching sun, blurred vision, destination nowhere in sight; and yet we have to continue on our journey - anywhere, as long as we get out of the hellish parched concrete road. each droplet of perspiration felt like thick butter on our skin, and we inched our way slowly but surely. and when we reached solace, or thought we reached solace, it hit us hard that the reprieve is not for us to relish; we can only stand outside pathetically looking in at what we cannot have.

and yet the only salvation is so simple, so pure.

and for now, i'm travelling on the highway to find what i should find.

2006-05-17T21:07:00.000+08:00

and so i've finally found the ability to click on that 'submit' button and it'll be off to a brand new schooling environment come august :))

wah yesterday was damn freaky la. picture this - favourite eating place (pastamania), dinner with the sister, and i bump into not one but two good friends each dining separately (priscilla with pinghong, huisi with quanbao). like how many times in a million years does that happen??! ok pardon me i am still in abit of a shock over the major, major coincidence. seriously, yesterday was like bumping-galore la. LOL.

and what can i say? seriously sometimes, only them girls hav the ability to complete my day unlike any coughguycough can. LOL. so heres a shoutout to all the girls in my life who hav in one way or another made a difference - huisi, priscilla, yilin, adelene, reena, rachel, casse, graceyu, elissa, denise, nabila and qiying (who's back for summer vacation! lets so meet to chill out, girl). and the fact is i honestly hav more guyfriends than girlfriends (who aint jus mere acquaintances) and therefore i absolutely heart all my girls :))

but anyhow, thank you :)

2006-05-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

gawd, thinkin about work tomorrow is akin to drilling a hole in my head. my job is seriously boring shite la. and if you wonder why im paintin such a bleak picture of work, its bcuz it is that sad. i mean, we hav two receptionists at the counter? one recept is more than enough, seriously. the other time the other recept took leave, i had more than half the time spending it online and making calls out to friends (sshh).

sigh, and i cant quit yet cuz ive promised i'd b stayin for at least two months. so i've worked one month so far (and took quite a coupla last-minute leave haha), and im just hoping this next month would hurry by quick.

gawd, what a complicated turn of events. not gonna do much or think much, jus hope things will work out fine :)

2006-05-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

and this was how i spent my sunday.

lounging around at a good friend's house with friends, then kbox at night just about wrapped up a nice weekend out :)

2006-05-08T13:41:00.000+08:00

ah. alone and comfortable at the office with air-con blasting, internet access, and radio tuned in to lush 99.5. bliss, almost.

lately, thoughts havent been able to translate coherently into written form. working is almost like a poison which takes its time slowly to drain life away. then, leisure and entertainment of any form after work-hours is the antidote. and hell, did i hav fun after work every single day.

seeing how people at work behave frightens me sometimes - when the next most important thing at hand is where to hav lunch at and where to get the cheapest muffins. i wouldnt want my working life to deteoriate to such a state, where inconsequential and insignificant events fill up the most of my time and become everything im working for.

and thats prolly one reason why im still dillying-dallying over the university admission. i mean, fuck, i said i wanted mass comm all my life, since the day i fell in love with the english language and the limelight. and i reckoned the media industry had everything i wanted, or thought i wanted.

but hav you ever had one of those times where you wanted something so darn badly that when you finally do get it, it kinda overwhelms and stuns you such that you're unable to register anything; and then after that questions come hurling?

its just freaking ironic, that right now i hold the admission letter in my hand - written in bold, Communication Studies; and i'm thinking of a million other alternatives. suddenly the tourism and hotel industry seems darn appealing, what with the opening of the Integrated Resorts. and an article in Today about the qualities needed to work in the tourism industry just seem to scream out at me that hey, i can be suitable enough for that.

but, crap. i prolly am thinking too much, as i always do. hav a good monday, people! =)

2006-05-06T18:37:00.000+08:00

i used to think spontaneity is my next best friend but really, i can be downright fussy and slow when it comes to making any decision at all. and that could either make or break me.

i read that in every breath you take, three nitrogen atoms would have been inhaled by everyone else for the last thousand years. we're all connected, that way.

its like the butterfly's wings effect, the chaos theory or whats-its-name. whatever you do, someone else somewhere someday would be affected one way or another. no man is an island. and that sucks. i jus wanna do my own thing, be undisturbed, be on my own lil' island- isolation. when you say you like me, you dont just like me; you give me a whole lot of responsibility and problems i dont even care to have in the first freaking place.

everyone's affected-by the elections, by the news, by reading about all those women from china, vietnam and thailand coming over to singapore thinkin they'll lead a good life but all dying in one way or another by the hands of OUR local men. its sickening thinking about it and im jus seriously repulsed by OUR singaporean men. whats with all the unfulfilled lust? for godsake, you're nearing seventy. get a grip on yourself.

its damn sad for women from vietnam and cambodia to carry such high hopes over to our lil' sunny island only to discover they were clinging on to broken dreams.

but i also read that, despite all the violence and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world. that, i would like to see.

2006-05-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

dear you,
i understand the frustration you must have felt when i couldn't keep to what was agreed upon. and i admit, that is indeed a real flaw that have not only happened once, but many times and with others as well. i appreciate that you've forgiven, looked past and have hoped for the better; and am sorry that once again have only received disappointment in return. at this point i can only ask that you give me just one more chance and allow me the opportunity to change and improve. this friendship means alot, and yes, there are the occasional upsets; and amidst all that, i really hope that what we have built all these years can tide us along and cement the cracks. i'm sorry.
love,
grace

+ + +

met up with my girly girls - elissa and graceyu, after work today. i miss them so damn much la :) so of cuz with these girly girls, we dont play pool and the likes, but engage in some very girly talk, which mostly revolves around relationships and guys and such. graceyu's still as blur as ever, and elissa's basking in the glow of lurrve, baby. LOL. i had a good time hanging out. hang out again soon, babes!! :)

time for some self-indulgence - i received admission letters for both NTU and NUS =)) for NTU's mass comm, and NUS's arts and social science. okay its like theres almost no need for contemplation, cuz the choice is almost pretty clearcut, but its just kinda nice to be able to ruminate over something and just relish the moment of having the power to decide, no?

anyway, still gotta think it through. omgah, its like i hav to make a life-changing decision at the young age of twenty -_-

and something random before i bombard the space below with more pictures - work is boring shite,and im getting F-A-T. ugh.

saturday 29th april - illusion @ dxo

once again, another spontaneous, last-minute decision to club last saturday night.

yongsheng and me at the steps of marina square.

kevin, nelson, yongsheng and yours truly. priscilla's the photographer :)

the scenery at marina square's patio is great la.

at dxo with yongsheng.

nelson and me.

in the toilet with priscilla. before i got high. LOL.

and CUZ i was rather, ahem, inebriated, i freaking missed out when nightlife.sg shot yongsheng and the rest la. LOL, its just my exhibitionist streak at work and the whole wanting-to-see-and-be-seen vibe la. HA.

look how they're enjoying the shutter moment!

but of cuz, clubbing aint my lifestyle. (though i have a sneaky suspicion i'm enjoying myself more than i should, and the monthly innocent hedonistic fun is getting addictive.)

+ + +

and i've come to realise, some guys can be major bitches, even more so than girls. dude, i really didn't need my name written big and clear on your blog (you might as well link me up and contribute some traffic for my blog), and your comment on my friend and an aspect of her life was unneccessary. and if you realise, you've just effectively insulted four people with that mere paragraph of yours. but whatever, guys like you think so highly of yourself i'm afraid you can't handle it when your ego falls and break and you realise how little character and integrity you possess.

+ + +

whew, fucking long post. tata.

2006-04-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

the past few entries hav been so wordy i hav this urge now to fill up this one with a truckload of pictures.

which i will :)

this is how i while my time away at work-if i'm not sms-ing or going online on the sly. lol.

8-days, my savior.

been out the entire week every single day after work, meeting up with different groups of friends and just catching up. i like :)

yongsheng giving me the face after i accidentally dropped his cigarette. oops. sorry la, dude. LOL.

chillin' out at macs with yongsheng, priscilla, kevin, nelson and pinghong.

and thats pinghong very happily using my phone snapping away very incriminating gay pictures of himself. HA. i shall just post up two to save him his dignity. LOL. theres lik loads more on my phone la.

thursday, met up with

pavel whose hair has grown pretty long, (and he doesnt look too bad) and darren the army dude!

HAHA.

last night, headed to eugene's house at like nine pm after attending this briefing at novena. jared was there having a *coughbrokebackcough* of a time with eugene before i arrived. HAHA.

we played tekken on ps2! my absolutely favourite arcade game ever :)

thanks for the pizza, dudes =)

and since i'm on an uploading-pictures spree,i mights well add in a few pictures taken at kbox a coupla weeks ago.

with priscilla, yongsheng and chengwei. had a very, entertaining time. LOL.

life's now not too bad, and i'm liking the way i'm turning out. self-appreciation is one of the best things you can do for yourself in life.

AND i just received the admission letter to NUS, right now all i gotta do is wait for NTU's and then see how :)

hav yourself a great weekend, people.

2006-04-28T15:41:00.000+08:00

and so i take some frivolous quizzes just for the heck of it.

from http://uk.tickle.com/

Who's Your Type?

You go for the bad lad type!

You may be nice but aren't you a bit naughty as well! That's why you're attracted to the bad lad. The one who's a bit laddish. The heart-breaker. So what if he's hard to tie down? You want a man who has an edge, someone who keeps you on your toes. In fact, it may be the challenge that keeps you around. His rather yobbish attitude is like a magnet; if a man wears a rebel reputation, he sparked your attention! Your bloke must be confident and ooze masculine charm. Plainly, sensitive men simply don't cause your knees to buckle. You have no time for the sweet, romantic, or doting chaps who pursue you and, frankly, bore you to tears. Perhaps you're just not into the touchy-feely thing right now. Who cares? Whether you're seeking adventure or looking to tame the wild, there's something about a bad lad that keeps you coming back

What Type of Flirt are You?

You're a subtle flirt!

Were you just winking at us? We couldn't quite tell... In fact, we think it's rather safe to say that you're a Subtle Flirt - you're a master of the flirting game. You know how to attract attention from anyone, any time. A quick come-hither smile, a little game of look-away-and-look-back-again - before long you have the object of your affection wrapped around your little finger. One of the best things about your approach is that it's discreet. You can always act innocent and coy if something gets taken out of context or misunderstood. Just make sure you're not too subtle, or you may end up playing the game all by yourself.

Why Are You Still Single?

You're single because you don't want to commit!

Once the bloom of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little itchy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect job, car, home or lover in your life to come and find you. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving -- and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party. But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why, what's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to fully get to know you? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. Is something you can identify with? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, tiny flaws and all.

2006-04-24T12:50:00.000+08:00

the child slowly raises one foot. she has seen how it is like - that clear,blue,sparkling surface. she has read about it in storybooks and seen it on the telly. yet she has never felt that blue body envelope hers, never experienced how it is like to be in unision with it.

she lowers her foot with hesitation, testing out how it feels. ah. it feels warm. it feels good. yet that initial sensation is not enough to propel her to jump right in - to jump right in would be pure foolishness, and the child was not foolish.

she knew the dangers. she has heard about the dangers, and right now she can see that despite the sparkling surface there is some murky depths of the unknown. no, she will not jump straight in.

it is not that she is unspontaneous or timid; all she wants is to choose the right pool to swim in, one in which she would feel safe and secure in, and have fun with wild abandon inside that pool.

that is the pool of relationships and love, and that child is me.

+ + +

a friend recently said the more happening and eventful one's life is, the less one blogs.

how right that is. so you can pretty much tell from the frequency of my blogging just how interesting my life is right now. or rather, my work-life, cuz i'm at the office lik right at this moment.

so just two weeks ago i was practically begging for a job, anything at all, cuz lazing around at home and being viewed as a 'parasite' or some 'useless bum' (thats what my mom calls me) aint very healthy for the soul.

so i've gotten a job, and a pretty easy one at that. the money just rolls in every hour and at fivethirty on the dot everyday, i can say sayonara and skip to the company transport.

i am grateful for the job, and the other receptionist's very nice-thank god for that; but suddenly its like you think to yourself, is this it? is this how im gonna be spending the next few months till i enter uni?

i want a more challenging and interesting job, but damn i'm only an A-level holder. and say even if i do get that kinda job, i'll be complaining over how tiring it is, wont i?

the grass just always seem greener on the other damn side =)

2006-04-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

i am so fucking scared the world seems to revolve around just me and me alone. a thousand and one scenarios and what-ifs whizz through my mind like a broken film, and all i can see is myself hanging from a cliff wishing somebody would pull me up and ride me away in a lilac carriage. i dreamt last night of many things - of planes crashing and buildings collasping, children alone and afraid, and an overwhelming sense of inferiority. suddenly the what-ifs grow so hard and real and cold and you know you can no longer afford the time and luxury of sitting on the swing, laughing and licking the ice-cream which is melting fast under the scorching sun.

unhelpfulness is definitely one fucking ugly human trait.

2006-04-20T13:18:00.000+08:00

heh. thanks to the red eye, i got half-day off from work. niceness =)

so work the past few days have been sitting prettily at the counter, answering phonecalls, smiling at visitors, minimal paper-work, sms-ing, and listening to my portable radio. no data-entry at all, thank god. easy money, if you ask me. and i absolutely heart the fact that it is in the heartlands, i dont like travelling long distances on the train just to get to work.

although, of cuz, sometimes things come to a standstill it gets so boring i wish i was doing sky-diving or something. but generally, things are good. i get to wear pretty clothes, the other receptionist's nice and friendly, and i get a handful of eye-candy now and then. LOL =)

so i've been on a few dates here and there such that i am comfortable enough. trust me, sometimes you can forget how it is like to go out with someone from the opposite sex after a long hiatus; and you forget how to behave.

but after being out and putting on your best behavior to impress, i absolutely savour the moments when i'm alone at home, forgetting all decorum. i put my legs up on the chair, i sit with my legs wide, i slouch, i scratch, i yawn when i feel like it. but its freaky thinking thats exactly how you're gonna behave with your future spouse after like, one year? LOL.

okay. my interview at ntu is like this freaking saturday. and i have barely prepared. i am freaking out.

2006-04-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

please dont hate me. its just my idiosyncrasies at work. every girl has her quirks and i dont understand mine. they surface at the most unexpected moments and meddles with every aspect of life. there is an aversion to drawing near, therefore pulling away is the next best option. it is always the option, drawing close never happens. please dont hate me.

2006-04-15T17:04:00.000+08:00

edited-pictures added.

rnb/hiphop at zouk last night was great =)

it was a completely spontaneous, last-minute decision to even club last night and i absolutely <3 spontaneous, last-minute decisions.

good friday yesterday was literally, good friday.

attended service in the morning - followed by sushi, pool, kbox, pasta, and then zouk =) all my loves in one day la, how cool can it get? LOL.

how i even got to go zouk was absolutely crazy. i was at the sports hall visiting my family who were playing badminton there, and my dad got his friend michael, who's like twenty-nine years old, to send me home. and frankly, michael's rather cute, oh but he's an obvious flirt. LOL.

so in the car on the way back i was like saying should i go club cuz there's nothing to do at home, and michael was like, okay la i can send you to town to meet your friends. so he did. and then he actually gave me twentyfive bucks HAHA.

so i met priscilla and evelyn, and michael dropped us off at zouk, where we bumped into priscilla's poly friends. and the ticket for zouk and phuture comes with three free drinks, how cool is that =)

priscilla, evelyn and me. i know its dark la.

ooh, our tops glow.

the crazy dancefloor.

and cuz i was pretty high, i took some really crazy weirdass pictures in the toilet. LOL.

bumped into dino, kenny, vincent and gang. hung out alittle together, vincent bought me a jug and all of us were like occupying this part of the podium dancing for the entire night.

and i freaking LOST- no, not my wallet or handphone, but a bit of weight from all that dancing. clubbing helps shed the kilos =D

so i drank a fair bit, but amazingly woke up with almost no signs of a hangover this morning. heh. the only thing brought over to this morning is the ringing sound in my ears, cuz the music at zouk was just too damn loud.

and i wonder when one is in a state of inebriation, does she speak the subconscious truth?

anyhow, i absolutely enjoyed yesterday with all my girlfriends and the things i love to do =)

2006-04-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

its hard to blog la,when you've got so many things to say but so many things to keep restrained. i think it fcuking defeats the purpose of blogging. afraid of offending people, and hell, people's opinions matter a hell lot to me. i just need an outlet where i can just rant freely la. so,i dontknow. as and when i feel like blogging here then i will.

received ntu's letter yesterday. i'm shortlisted for mass comm! so havta go down for a writing test and interview. omgah. its freaking scary shit, i suck at interviews like most of the time la=/

whatever,oh,and i'm like starting work as a receptionist at this japanese company next week. can't wait. like i can finally stop slacking around and earn some moolah. hopefully there'll be japanese hunks, that'll be a bonus and some major eyecandy =) but i've a feeling its gonna be all the japanese uncles instead la. whatever, can't wait =)

2006-04-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

argh. i freaking miss tpjc like hell la.

photographs bring back a hell lot of memories. those uniform days will never come back :(

2006-04-10T20:27:00.000+08:00

as much as a people-person i am, or think i am, i absolutely love coming home to nobody at all. that feeling is jus uber good la. zilch noise pollution (think my dad's old chinese songs or my mom's nagging, or the tv shows my sister watches LOL) and its really nice to go home to peace and quiet, like literally. i can jus do things at my own pace, and do jus about anything la.

okay, so going back to an empty home may be disheartening to some people perhaps, but for me its so rare that i actually like it. seriously, like ninety-nine percent of the time there'll be somebody at home at any point i return la. so coming home today and seeing ZERO people at home is quite a reprieve. heh.

if i have the financial means there'll b no doubt i'll go get my own apartment like straight away la. but wait, singles tend to get an apartment less easily than married couples. thats how unfair can. but anyway,thats another matter altogether =)

and before you think otherwise, of cuz i <3 my family la. without them where'll i get my food,and money,and shelter? LOL. i'm evil =)

2006-04-05T18:35:00.000+08:00

a sad little taxi stuck in the flood.

pedestrians having to traipse over ankle-high water.

thats how its been like these few days. the weather's making it such a chore to go out la.

and bcuz the weather's such a spoiler, i shall therefore entertain myself with pictures taken with my girlfriends, and a guy who slept till like six pm. haha.

3rd april monday

and thats me, graceyu, adelene and huisi at the century square toilet, favourite among all girls in tampines. HA.

i <3 all girl outings =))

and i actually kbox for like ten minutes, and it being my virgin visit wasnt too bad. heh. shall try it again like soon.

pasta and coffeebean with adelene and shaun after. the boy actually woke up like an hour before dinner time? like wth la. haha.

shaun's tryna do a spastic face in the last picture but like, uh, dude, you're already spastic? no point trying la. HAHA.

sigh. can the weather turn nice soon, and can i get a job like soon, pretty please?

2006-04-02T12:19:00.000+08:00

calling out to all girls, and guys if you wanna get something lovely for your girlfriends - check out my dear friend huisi's site; where she makes and sells accessories. pretty darn nice stuff, i say =)

if you like it, get it! =) check it out here.

2006-03-30T19:45:00.000+08:00

the weather's been pretty insane as of late, doncha think. jus this afternoon it was scorching mad, and right now its plain cold. as with my spending habits - insane, i tell you. jus about four days ago i was happy and i was rich, but jus within a coupla days i've blew away most of it. and i'm freaking broke now. yeah andrew, call me budget. haah.

well what's a girl gotta do? if she's single and has no doting rich boyfriend to provide for her meals (ha) she's gotta work, aye? and society's cruel - you can't go on in life looking like a piece of slop cuz society's all about appearances. so she gotta spend money pretty-ing up - clothes, makeup, shoes, bags, and what-have-you. cuz she feels good when she looks good.

but she doesnt wanna only manage to live by- she wanna enjoy and live affordably. but money's always an issue. she's gotta take driving lessons and pay for them herself cuz she knows her parents have their own financial woes to handle. and she's admittedly, alil' spoilt and fussy about jobs so she doesn't wanna take up a 9-5 deskbound office job. so she takes up temp jobs on a coupla days basis, but the money's never enough.

that aside, she's at a transition period where the 1 at the beginning of her age turns to a 2. and she's expected to be mature and responsible and nice; and people tend to give less of a leeway cuz she's apparently a woman now. aint a small girl no more.

and at this age where her ancestors get married and even procreate, she's still looking out for the one. the one who would sweep her off her feet and ride her away on a white horse. but she knows thats just a fairytale and in reality, relationships aren't saccharine-sweet romances you see in the movies. seeing and hearing of friends and acquaintance's experiences, she's getting alil' disillusioned about that L-word. love and lust - its so interchangeable nowadays. as much of an optimist as she is, she really doesn't dare to hope or expect too much.

and as a girl of the modern world, she's expected to be everything at once. she's gotta be independent, beautiful, strong, confident and at the same time be sweet, understanding, kind and caring. be too forceful and the guys will be scared off; be too weak and the guys will gripe that she's clingy.

she doesn't know if she should take the initiative, cuz even if she dares to, she doesn't know if the guy she's interested in is okay with a girl making the first move. so she's forever stuck in the same place-always nearing the boundary of her comfort zone but never knowing if she should step out.

and she worries about her university applications, she worries about the lack of money, she worries about her looks, she worries about whether people would look at her and see her flaws, she worries if she will ever find the one, she worries if she would land her dream-job; she worries if she can be the girl - woman, she wants to be.

but damn, she can't spend too much time worrying; the world's still spinning, society goes on churning out fads and trends. and there probably is no point to all the worrying. life's splayed out ahead, she jus gotta live it-as close as possible to her dream.

=)

Lost 2 premieres today =))

2006-03-28T18:55:00.000+08:00

working at the natas fair has been quite an experience. and i realise i name-drop. like, alot. especially when you have to deal with all these full-timers who walk around so full of themselves when really, the only thing they win me hands down is in terms of age. like, hello? i'm doing the same thing as you, can. just because you earn more than me and you are older than me doesn't make me any lesser than you, thank you v much =)

so for the three days i go, "hi madam, would you like to sign up for the worldcard? it's free, no registration fee required and as soon as you sign up we can issue you the card immediately." but of cuz having to approach strangers the entire time from 10am-9pm and repeating the same old lines can turn out to b quite a chore la. and you just feel like slapping some of them when they ask so many questions. for godsake, the card is free, just take it la. hur.

so having my supervisor ronnie around was pretty nice. he's actually a freaking thirtyone years old but looks like he's only in his mid-twenties; and not only did he let me slack, he actually entertained me with his clubbing stories =)

of cuz i would have died on the spot if there weren't nice people around. that coupled with the free coffee, and the eye-candy, and a job which actually lets me walk around and talk to people; i say i actually enjoyed it pretty darn much. plus i received my pay in cash straight away after the three days.

which i blew away nearly half of it when i went shopping yesterday with priscilla and flannery at orchard. damn. LOL.

well,but as always,retail therapy rawks =)

well, we do pretty unusual things =)

wah i need to work and earn money and SHOP la! still have so much stuff i wanna do and get la. damn. its fun being bimbotic sometimes. but need money la. HA. well,have a nice week ahead, people =)

2006-03-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

a walk in the city

and we ended up two very tired souls.

but still, we had fun exploring singapore :)

life's been pretty fine as of late. i've sent in my university applications, went for a coupla interviews, got a new phone *beams*, and am starting work tomorrow at the natas fair at suntec. seriously, right now all i need is money in my bank account and a tall, dark and handsome boyfriend to complete my everyday. HA.

but i'm not complaining :)

2006-03-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

i was thinking of relocating actually, but settled down to changing the layout here instead. havent exactly been able to type out everything i want to down here, but now, ima gonna try to. thats what a blog is for, no? so, more genuine feelings and thoughts. it may bore, disturb, or thrill. whatever your pick :)

so what does it mean when you have a recurring dream? okay so two times doesnt exactly make it that much, but just the other night i dreamt i held a cigarette in one hand and was puffing away, and actually enjoying each exhalation. i used to think that i will never ever touch a cigarette stick, much less smoke; but as the years passed by the abstinence was mainly due to the lack of money to carry on the habit.

as children we were always told smoking is bad, smoking kills; but that eventually leads to reverse psychology where kids smoke just to prove a point. and where i once did not agree with the act of smoking, and thought the worse of anyone who did; presently guys who light up actually appeal to me. granted, they must be already attractive to some extent without the aid of that white stick, rather than to try to look cool by smoking. the white stick just contributes substantially to the whole bad-boy vibe that is so darn attractive to me at this point.

i've since acquired a rather nonchalant stance towards smokers. i mean, smoking is just another bad habit. of course, one can not deny its consequences. but this is the smoker's choice-he has made the choice to live with this bad habit. i am not like and cant stand the minority of non-smokers who adopt a holier-than-thou stance and look down at smokers. i'm sure these non-smokers have their own bad habits to speak of, or hide of.

i've quite a number of friends, mostly guys, who buy that packet once every few days. when i'm with them, and they light up in front of me, there was initially that conflicting interest of religion, morals, and what have you.

but now it has whittled down to this, at least to me - each person is responsible for his own life and his own decisions. as his friend, i can try to advise but really, there's nothing much i can do if he himself is not convicted to quit for a worthy cause. so why not accept him for who he is, warts and all? and till then, i guess i shall continue to be attracted to bad boys. as for my recurring dream, i doubt it will ever manifest into reality, so :)

2006-03-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

ugh. i need to rant.

because of my BRILLIANT act of dropping my beloved handphone into da toiletbowl, it is now a GONER. it is seriously spoilt la, and the BEST part is that ALL of my contacts are also gone cuz i only store in phone memory. plus some other important stuff like activity dates and job information are ALL inside. great la how great. gracechen you are so freaking smart can.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

and my dad is pissed and i have no money at all to get myself a brand new phone that can play mp3 and has camera function, and im using da pathetic 8310 that can do NUTS.

why do handphone mishaps ALWAYS happen to me?? i mean, okay, at least i still have a workable handphone now, but, yeah seriously; a handphone is not just a handphone nowadays, y'know? it is an INTERGRAL part of life. AND I NEED MUSIC AND A CAMERA WHEREEVER I GO LA. ugh.

sometimes i dontknow whether it is that im optimistic by nature or that i'm just slow to feeling da bad stuff.

so, people, please sms me your name or drop a message over friendster or whatever is convenient la yeah. godbless your kind souls.

anyway. walked fifi with priscilla yesterday. fifi's a dog [i have no idea what breed] that priscilla's helping her friend take care of for a week.

i like this pic man.

it was kinda da last walk with fifi cuz she went back today. prissy,cheer up k!! dont miss her too much, you still have me la yeah =))

i jus realise we havta write an essay for our application to NTU and prolly even NUS and i'm like, wth? its been ages since i last wrote an essay and blogging doesn't count =/ i should jus really get my ass down to it soon. and i'm startin work at suntec next monday, so like, i dont really have much time to ponder over it.

on a totally irrelevant note,i watched Date Movie today with gary. its really FREAKING lame la. haha. they cut out a few scenes though. ohwell. OH and i cant wait for da second season of Lost =D

2006-03-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

i am seriously surviving on minimal sleep nowadays. my body clock's screwed up or something la. and i jus realised sleeping pills are non-existant in my house. was tryna look for them last night at 5am so that i can finally fall asleep but no, we don't have sleeping pills in da house =/

night out at gotham wasnt too bad. though,of cuz,everybody agrees that da management sucks. i heard almost 100 people were refused entry. da bouncers were ridiculously strict la-they were asking for people's blood-type and address so like if you borrowed someone's id and didn't memorise then, too bad, no entry for you. and like if you were high and tipsy and had gone out of da club for fresh air before re-entering da club, its too bad for you too. bcuz you need to be fully sober before you can re-enter. yeah, they denied me re-entry cuz they wanted me to go wash up my face. like, what the-

so yeah, i got high pretty early. haha. in da first place i dont have a high tolerance for alcohol. at 11 plus nearing 12 da club was still pretty pathetic, da dancefloor practically empty; so what is there to do but order drinks? add to da fact that a coupla guys were passing free drinks around. so yeah, you get da picture. but i had fun la, and thats what matters =)

oh but da after-effect of clubbing is seriously a turn-off at times. i had a pretty bad hangover and i woke up with unexplained bruises and scratches. haha, i vaguely remember falling all over da place that night la. AND, i dropped my handphone and a ten-dollar note into the toiletbowl so i lost da ten bucks and my handphone's not working properly now. thats how pathetic,can.

OH whats more pathetic is that i didn't take any pictures at all at gotham la. oh well.

hmm i'm itching to start a new job now. bumming around at home doing nothing is just not my thing anymore. haha. just talked to this person at suntec and i might very well be starting work there soon. although da job's not exactly everything i'm looking for, it brings in the moolah and it helps kill my boredom. haha. so yeah, see how things go. oh, and btw, i really doubt Seventeen wants me la =( so yeah. must really go on a serious job-hunt now.

and i'm like, procrastinating over the university-application thingy =/

2006-03-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

i've officially quit my job, and i'm gonna miss the paper-shredding machine.

2006-03-06T23:38:00.000+08:00

my life right now is basically made up of inconsequential details, like hanging out at changi looking out for transverstites just for da heck of it for two days in a row; feeling goddamn rich for once cuz i'm having three pay-days this month; drinking vanilla mudshake and feeling da wind in my hair; and hanging out at da park late at night sitting on da swing with a friend talking our hearts out.

add some trivia details - passing my basic theory test and having da editor of seventeen magazine call me up for an interview; and there you've it. da life i'm leading right now and i'm more or less satisfied.

of cuz there're still screwups in life. warped people get together to form dysfunctional and weird families and da offspring grow up and continue da cycle. i wonder if he knows his own problem. but whatever. blood ties are really quite insignificant, really. i think a part of me has just hardened and grew numb to all da bad stuff, taking in only da good stuff. i wonder if thats normal. not talking about it doesn't make it go away. but, see here, we'll be da success story he isn't.

2006-03-03T08:33:00.000+08:00

taking a shower in the morning feels pretty darn good.

okay. so my sitemeter had double the hits these past two days - proving how busybody we all are, wanting to get a sneak preview of everyone else's life. but thats what blogs are for, ain't it - sneak previews. so since i'm feeling pretty darn good i'll give ya what you want.

i'm fcuking glad with my results.

before anything else, i just wanna say to all those science students who think scoring for humanities is easy - wtf. seriously la, i hear science students going like "oh damn, should have taken geography/literature/history. then could have gotten an A or B now".

c'mon la, haven't you already heard? humanities is always easy to pass but freaking hard to score. and if you don't have the flair or aptitude for the arts, it's not simple at all. and like, look at the arts cohort in tpjc. if i'm not wrong, there's only one straight-As scorer can, whom, by the way, i salute him absolutely. cuz i know how tough it is to score straight As for humanities.

so, i didn't get straight As or something, but it's not like i expected straight As anyway =) what matters is that i got As for da subjects that matter a hell lot to me and that's what matters.

i got a fcuking A for literature and A2 for gp =) ey, this is my blog la, LET ME GLOAT can. and then i got Cs for da other subjects-math and econs, that i thought i would do badly in and get like Ds or Es in. its like, my highest grade ever in jc was a freaking D la. but hey, God is good. thankyou God so much =)

yeah, i know my results ain't super fantastic, but i'm glad enough cuz it was way better than i expected. and i just thank Him for da decision made two years ago when i was gonna retain - to switch from chemistry to literature la, seriously.

well now that it's over, and Over with a capital O; we've all gotta go about planning for da next route we're gonna take. it's a hell lot of choices and exciting possibilities la. all da best for everything, people.

2006-02-28T16:27:00.000+08:00

on da radio today:

marriage shortens women's lives by 1.4 cuz of da stress of having to juggle both their domestic and work lives;

whereas men's lives lengthen by 1.7 cuz of da regular sex.

like, wtf. hahaha. this is so ample reason for us ladies to abstain from marriage for life la. and it just strengthens my resolve to not get married.

well, or maybe like one of my girlfriends said, co-habit. LOL.

2006-02-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

vanilla coke-almost an orgasmic experience =)

was out with my girlfriend reena at marina square yesterday=)

she claims she's a bimbotic intellect, but really; she's an intellectual bimbo =D

well,da things girls get up to in da toilet. heh.

with her, therefore, my bimbotic side emerged quite naturally. LOL. i totally heart these pointed flats. they look damn good with my jeans. but they cost a bomb too. damn.

we were having drinks at Breeks, which was this really interesting place where the waiters actually kneel to take your orders. we got really freaked out by this tall waiter who suddenly got down on his knees beside reena. but he's cute, so. heh.

reena was saying she wanna have her own apartment next time. it would be really nice going home to no disturbance (eg. parents' nagging) and having total freedom. i haven't exactly thought of that before, but think about it now; it would be really cool to have my own apartment. i can walk around in my undies, blast my music as loud as i want, dance when i feel like it, and invite friends over anytime.

then i remembered; i live like a pig. my room right now is a total contrast to the spick and span of da house; in other words-a pig sty. clothes strewn over my bed and table, papers all over da place, bed not made; you get da drift. so, prolly living on my own is not such a good idea after all. LOL.

i had fun with her talking about anything especially about guys and relationships. haha. take care and all da best for your exams ya, babe? hang out soon =)

so. everybody should know by now 1st march is da day of reckoning. the release of da A level results. omg la. its quicker than i expected. well. keeping my fingers crossed,and wishing everyone of us luck!

gonna do relief tomorrow and i have NO freaking idea what to wear. damn.

and crap, i have yet to type out da resume i'm gonna send in for internship at Seventeen. i'm one helluva procrastinator la.

well, i heart all my girlfriends, absolutely =) have a good week ahead, people!

2006-02-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

you know what, i say - screw all da problems. =)

life is too short to waste my time moping over something i cant and would never be able to change. as the cliche goes - when life gives you shit, take the shit and make fertiliser out of it. i'm gonna emerge from all these stronger. i'm gonna live life my way, live like the person i was meant to be, and not let all the screw-ups in life take away da smile on my face. its repulsive letting da bad things in life rule and take over my everydays. da bad things are still there, no doubt about it - nobody's perfect. and its not that i'm gonna shove it under da carpet and pretend everything's fine. da scars will still be there whether i like it or not; it's learning to live with it, deal with it in a mature manner, and learn from all da experience life has brought.

so. i had my first pillion ride today after so many years [my very first was dad's motorbike when i was like in primary school]. and it was one helluva experience =) da helmet felt so huge on my head and my friend was going so fast (or so i thought) that i was sure da helmet was gonna fall off anytime. and it didn't help that i was wearing a skirt so we got a coupla stares from da people on the streets. haah. but it was fun, nevetheless.

went to da ntu talk at bugis yesterday, and i think i'm kinda interested in english literature and psychology as well now. of cuz my utmost interest is still in communication studies. but of cuz, it's all gotta depends on the results. WHICH should be coming out pretty soon. darn, it's da same with the exams last year - i want to know my results and at da same time i DON'T wanna know my results. ohhh well.

i'm gonna do relief at st hilda's primary next monday and tuesday! =)

2006-02-18T17:08:00.000+08:00

thank God for the beach.

and for the wind, and the cycling, and the cute little girl, and the pretty little flowers, and the beautiful scenery.

2006-02-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

a friend told me he once made a wish, that he wished he could be free from all emotions; to be void of all feelings.

i laughed. wouldn't being void of all emotions be tantamount to being a robot?

but now i wish. i can do away with everything that i am feeling right now.

another friend told me he wished life wasn't so complicated. i replied that if life wasn't, we would complain that it is boring shit.

but now i wish. all the complications would go away.

they say, if someone admits to being insane; he probably isn't really that insane. and if someone does not admit that he is crazy, he probably is quite crazy.

so if i say i am depressed right now, am i really depressed or not?

before anyone thinks otherwise, no, its got nothing to do with Vday at all. my Vday yesterday was spent quite nicely with three girlfriends (huisi,adelene and graceyu) and a guyfriend(eugene wu). initially i didnt exactly feel like going cuz i was pretty shagged after work but i went anyway and yeah, it was pretty good. exchanged gifts-i gave the three girls a stalk of pink rose each and i received earrings. thank you people for the nice day yesterday.

you know seriously, wtf. its as if every aspect of your life conspires to give you problems at the same fcuking time. i just need time la,i will recover soon enough; i always do.

2006-02-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

party @ rav

not really in the mood to blog; so just da pictures first. will update another time.

So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song.

2006-02-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

okay things are definitely beginning to perk up right now =)

am working now, for dbs bank. its a no-brainer job with a damn shitty pay but i'm taking it for the moment cuz its not like i'm doing better otherwise. and its really not so much for the money anyway,but more for the killing of time. and the people there are quite nice,generally=)

but i'm on the lookout for a better job la; having an interview tomorrow at aljunied. hope all goes well. and then this saturday i'm giving flyers for ralph lauren at orchard. heh. think there's gonna be quite a crowd there cuz of the auditions for singapore idol. hurhur. would be quite entertaining seeing all the wannabes. HA.

and i WANNA CLUB, like soon! been quite a long time since i last went; especially since the last disastrous outing with the guys. i still haven't been to MOS la,can. ugh. and so far the comments i heard was that it is pretty good. ok i'm so gonna round up a few girlfriends and go soon la, hopefully before the release of the ugh, much dreaded and yet anticipated Alevel results.

okay la this is turning out to be the sort of rambling and talking-to-oneself blog entry. but you must know, its damn boring at my workplace! i just do the same old thing over and over without conversation most of the time =(

and im becoming weird, i actually bought three IDENTICAL tops in three different colors. and i used to think that people who do that are weird. haha. what to do, its freaking cheap and i'm so into teeshirts nowadays. ey but if you see me wearing like the same shirt in different colors, just be nice and ssshh la, okay? =D

OH. and i've signed up for basic theory. test date's about a month from now. so now i'd better study and pass it the first time round! =) and after that i so wanna be able to drive asap. cuz bus-drivers just SUCK to the max.

okay la, pardon this quirky entry; i think i'm kinda high. and i realise i only get high when 1). i'm tipsy from alcoholic influence, or 2). i'm dead tired. but now neither's the case. ey AHH. whatever la. lalalaa =)

2006-02-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

its funny. so v-day is approaching once again, rather unexpectedly; i was still reeling back from the after-effects of chinese new year and suddenly, v-day comes right smack into your face. soon we'll all be bombarded with commercials with heart-shaped icons advertising roses, jewellery, places to have a romantic dinner, presents etc. oh wait, we already are being bombarded.

yet ironically, i'm hearing of more relationship woes from friends and acquaintances alike. it gets pretty saddening afterawhile, when you realise that they've been with their other half for more than or nearly a year. maybe couples do run into problems after they've been together for a long time, i dontknow; and its up to them to try to overcome the crisis and maintain the relationship.

so i've never had a boyfriend; hence the best i can do is to provide ma friends with a listening ear and maybe offer bits and pieces of advice nicked from magazines and other friends. and at the back of my mind, i'd be pondering whether singlehood is still, afterall, the best.

people say its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all; that its better to experience the emotional highs and lows of being in love than to remain emotionally-passive and neutral in life. and i dontknow, does experiencing all these emotions make a better person? or would it cause a scarred heart, and a reluctance to open up to others in future?

i can only say, i dontknow whats in store for me. but i'm not in a hurry to get attached; because right now my life as a single is working out great. perhaps i'm selfish, not willing to let anyone come and turn my life upside down; be it in a positive or negative way. or maybe i'm not mature enough to handle the problems that will come along with any relationship. or probably i'm just not ready.

well, whatever it is, each to her own, ey =) for now, just have a great v-day; be it with that special someone or with friends =)

2006-02-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

edit-my mom just happily told me that she ain't giving me weekly allowance anymore. GREAT. i f*cking need a job like now. anybody with lobangs please inform me alright? thanks.

i'm thinking of doing something absolutely crazy to my hair. i dontknow what yet, but i'm officially sick and tired of the hair, as with my lackadaisical and frivolous lifestyle.

i never believe i'll actually say this-but i WANT to work. anything, as long as it is 8-5 and i actually have something to do; just give it to me. and its not even so much for the money as for the ultimate lack of an aim and meaning in life right now. all this pent-up youthful energy inside of me aint doing anyone good. hur.

and huisi girl, i know you are feeling pretty stressed out now over your fyp and all. but hang on there, yeah? i know you can do it, just trust in God=) and i think i must miss you rather badly, i actually dreamt of you the past two nights. haha. when its over we can go hang out and play pool and girl-chat alright! =)

so there're rumours going on about how da results are gonna be released pretty soon, since the O levels is coming out early. omg la. although my life now is pretty blah, at least i dont have to worry about bad results and where to go at least for now. how? i just get pretty nervous once i think about da results. do you know that up till now, i still think about whether i've done da right question for gp and lit? blah. well everything's gonna work out fine; we've all come so far, no? just gonna trust in Him =)

out with shaun and his cousin brandon at cine's pastamania. thanks so much shaun for going down to da driving centre with me although you were like seriously shagged that day =)

dinner at genki sushi with minghui and kevyn. wanna listen to interesting army stories? just go look for these two =)

i absolutely heart all my guy friends. they make my life that teeny bit better just by being there to hang out and entertain me with their crap. HA =))

2006-02-03T18:26:00.000+08:00

its true, too much free time aint a good thing.

so im not doing any permanent job. initially i thought this would be a win-win situation. like when there're jobs that require me for only three days or less, i go for it. other days, i'll slack and meet up with friends and chill. and i still get the moolah, and i also get to wake up in the late afternoons like most of the time.

but you know what, i just counted and out of 31 days last month, i only worked a total of 6 days. so for 25 days i was happily spending money and just idling my time away.

and come to think about it now, it sucks.

ok so far, ive done relief teaching for only a day, gave out flyers for ralph lauren, done check-in for cruise passengers, sold icecream, promoted foodstuff.

all these jobs aint bad, its just that they come too rarely. and on the days i dont work; yeah, i meet my friends but then it means i've to spend money. and singapore is boring; after awhile, there's nothing much to do.

i miss school =(

i cant stand sitting around doing nothing la. i need the adrenaline-rush, the action and the works. i think ima' gonna go get a perm job or do internship at some magazine firm. i think la. hopefully.

i rather be busy and be totally shagged after a day's work than do nothing and bum around,man.

2006-01-31T23:43:00.000+08:00

my chinese new year rocked=))

first two days were spent with the family, and amazingly, they proved to be not so irritating afterall. HA. had the usual;relatives over, went over to dad's side, collected angbaos, and ate alot.

i've darn cute cousins=)

second day no visiting, we went over to River Angbao near the Esplanade.

there were fireworks,but too bad my camera quality's lousy la, so couldnt take any good shots. but it was nice sitting at the steps outside marina square and just watching those lights in da sky with family and a whole crowd.

third day did more visiting with da family,collected more angbaos heh; then i met up with shaun and adelene for dinner at swensens. after which we headed to balcony at heeren to chill. i absolutely heart that place=))

pardon the messy hair and the guy acting cute. HA.

shaun's cousin brandon came over to join us, and after that we headed to geylang for supper. it was like my first time at geylang la. i wanted to see those famous women from the red-light districts,but no such luck. HA.

shaun being gentlemanly sent me home in his car before sending brandon back also. but these two guys were like smoking da entire night la, and my top smelt of smoke when i got home. tsk. haha.

OH. you know whats like my ideal cny outfit? i'm thinkin of this fitting black cheongsam top with red flowers embroided on; worn with a pair of skinny jeans and black heels. ok la i know i don't wear heels,but imagine can? haha. it would be so damn cool la=)

well so i had a great time this chinese new year, unexpectedly. hur. though da angbao money's not alot; i'm working now anyway so it doesn't matter as much. heh. what matters is i had fun with family,friends and relatives, and good memories to take away.

am gonna sign up for basic theory like soon, within this week. i wanna be able to drive like asap!

good week ahead, people=))

2006-01-29T07:47:00.000+08:00

<-=XlaOmlnG.A.k.A.ChArLiE=-> says:
oh ya. you're 20 this year already right. haha.

gra*ce. says:
IDIOT.

gra*ce. says:
hahaha.

gra*ce. says:
no lor. i'm still 19 can. my birthday's in october k.

<-=XlaOmlnG.A.k.A.ChArLiE=-> says:
aiya 20 la. dun bluff bluff.

ugh. i maintain i am still 19 years old ok. cinemas and clubs go by da month you're born in, so everyone should do that too. haha. really, 20 is like a neither here nor there age. at least 19's like you're in your late teens, and 21 is when you reach adulthood. SO, i shall try to stay 19 for as long as i can. lols.

previous entry was having moodswing and all la. feeling so much better now, but still sick as a dog. oh wait. this is the Year of the Dog right,so dogs can't be sick. so...whatever la=) point is i am sick. coughing like crazy. missed da party at indochine on friday cause of that. ugh. heard it was fun la. haha. well hope i get well soon to enjoy da lunar new year,man.

gonna go back and sleep,its only freaking 8am in the morning. meanwhile, to all chinese; enjoy your chinese new year! to da rest, enjoy the holidays! =))

2006-01-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

emotions roughen, voices raised. nowadays its all the norm. i'm flailing my arms, not so struggling; but trying to find my place in this murky depth of the unknown.

contary to popular belief that a festive period is suppose to bring in the smiles and the happiness; i'm feeling quite the opposite. maybe its gotta do with my mother's constant nagging, or my father's quitting of his job again, or friends who don't seem to understand.

or maybe its just the whole enormity of it all - the ambiguity of the future, the lack of money, the lack of understanding, even love, even warmth under this roof. the negativity of it all.

i'm not some angst-ridden teen, i no longer am. c'mon, its not even fun to be one.

do you know how much it hurts? do you even know it hurts at all?

2006-01-24T10:07:00.000+08:00

i actually watched "in her shoes" with two guys yesterday;and the thing is the three of us walked out of da cinema unanimously agreeing that it was a great movie.that itself speaks volumes for da chick-flick,ey.

heh.and i'm inspired by the movie!at my wedding next time i'm gonna have someone-my sister,a close friend,my mother,whoever;read out a love poem depicting beautiful scenes of nature.i tell you that is gonna be so darn romantic la.heh.

and it was a great time out with chengwei and yongsheng yesterday.here's what we did - pool, pasta, movie, starbucks. although da whole day was spent in tampines, its like my ideal kinda day out la. no shopping involved,not even window-shoppping,and i am so grateful for that.haha.really,i think hanging out with guys is more attuned to the boy inside of me.hah.

OH.and thank you yongsheng for treating me to da movie and starbucks.heh.yeah,another treat.i'm just so thickskinned la,huh.hah.

i'm having difficulty sleeping these few days.it's alright at night,but come morning,my nose will be so freaking blocked and i'll have to wake up without adequate sleep.and that sucks.ugh.

but maybe thats a blessing in disguise,so that i'll actually pick up da phone when the schools call me for relief-teaching.haha.i've actually missed out on a few schools calling me la,cause i was sleeping when they called.hah.

oh.i found da poem from the movie.the one which was being read out at da wedding.damn nice.here goes.

I Carry Your Heart With Me.

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

--E.E Cummings

sigh. =)

2006-01-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

i only have two words to describe "memoirs of the geisha": butt-aching and bladder-bursting. okay i'm kidding. but really,sitting in the cinema from 6.30pm to 9pm is no joke. the four of us were like making a mad rush to the toilet after da movie. haha.

i suck at giving movie reviews,so i'll spare all of us the agony. what i wanna say is,the movie is good,and i think ima' gonna get the book to read soon. see,thats what a good movie makes you wanna do-to read da original book version. heh.

dinner at marche after da movie was a killer,man. i was so freaking full i couldnt walk,literally. thanks so much to flannery for da treat!=)

youknow,i'm starting to dread da arrival of chinese new year. i'm no longer that little girl who looks forward with anticipation towards that festival early every year. as the years pass by,chinese new year is beginning to become more of a must,a bore. a must to sit down with relatives you haven't met in da past year, making small talk, having awkward silences, not remembering names. even da food doesn't appeal to me much anymore.

just the previous year,i went with my family to this friend's house where all da kids were like ten years old or younger and were all watching cartoons. and the adults were all chatting with each other. my sister and i were neither here nor there; so we left to go shopping.

its only da thought of the red angbaos that prevents me from skipping the festival altogether. hah. pretty sad,huh.

but well, its still something to celebrate so i'll still go with all da usual "gong-xi-fa-cai"s and "xin-nian-kuai-le"s la,ey. of course,da new clothes are quite another consolation,too.heh.

i really need cash now,i just counted and my debts have accumulated to quite a substantial amount. ugh. i know its probably not good to owe money during da festive season,but well =( i'll pay back soon k.heh.

2006-01-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

this past week has just been one helluva week of hedonistic enjoyment,man. its just orchard,bugis,tampines all the way,spending money like theres no tomorrow. hur. but you see (dont hate me when i say this) i have uber good guy friends who treat me,like,almost all da time. haha=) ey im no materialistic bimbotic bitch okay,they're willing to treat so why not? heh.

so lets make mention of these good friends,
eugene wu-treated me to pastamania and a drink at balcony last saturday.
pavel-movie "derailed". okay so technically he didnt exactly offer to treat me but by irritating me the entire time we were out with darren,this treat just only settles it.HA.
khai-for dinner today at pastamania.
and tomorrow, pinghong's gonna treat me to lunch at temasekpoly and flannery's gonna treat dinner at Marche.

to straighten the record,i did not whine and pester 'em to treat me aight. obviously the friendships i have with these guys are good enough to warrant me such treats. and i really am broke. so dont be jealous or bitch about me,go find your own good guy friend. HA. (okay i dontknow why im in sucha bitchy mood right now. pardon me.hah)

speaking about friends,i just have this longstanding issue i need to put it out there once and for all. you see,for me,i have different groups of friends i hang out with at different times. im sure many people are like that too. and the reason for all these different groups is because,generally,we each have a different side of us that comes out with interaction with different people.

like with A i'm more serious,we can have heart-felt chats like all da time; whereas for B we just lame around and joke most of da time. yeah?

and da thing is,all your good friends dont neccessarily need to be good friends with one another or even just friends. because of the different way you interact with each friend,when you lump 'em altogether,things are just gonna get awkward and weird and your friends will feel funny. well unless your friend is this great socialite who can click with just anybody,then,fine. but most people,i suppose,are like me. and before that,i need to correct this view people have of me. yeah,i may be sociable most of the time,like to talk and make friends,but that does not make me easy to click with.

conversely,i actually find it pretty weird when i'm with my good friend and her good friend. like, it just doesnt work that way for me.

and then this other friend i have,whom i dont really keep in contact with now; i dont understand the need for her to have all her good friends go out together and know each other and to click with each other.

my dear girl,i'm sorry to disappoint your idealistic view of friendship but not everybody can click with each other. the world doesnt work like that and its just gonna get really awkward. whats wrong with going out with your different groups of friends at different times and enjoying each other's company better this way?

maybe i'm just too comfortable with da ways things are to want to change and step out of my comfort zone. but i remember this quote i read somewhere before and i say it again,
better alone than feel miserable with bad company.
okay i cant remember da exact quote,but something like that la.hah.

been a long time since i wrote such a wordy entry,but you know what? i feel damn good. HA. and well,i'll put up pictures like,soon. haha.

2006-01-18T16:39:00.000+08:00

back =)

the thing about me is,i dont like to force my thoughts into words,have them etched permanently as words. when things are happening,and i dont know how to react,i prefer to let the kaleidoscope of thoughts float around. once in awhile,i'll catch them,flip them around,think about them alittle,then throw them back.

youknow,i rarely like to do explanations,so i guess i'll skip it altogether.

nicked this off huisi's blog,which i think is a gem in today's prevalent blogosphere,

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
- Cyril Connolly

chew on it,people=) going to eugene's house with jared and pris in a coupla hours to make ramly burger for dinner. heh.

2006-01-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

maybe i will blog soon,maybe not. we'll see. too many things happening now,and while writing it all out might be an outlet for some; its not for me. i need to step back,think it through. maybe when its finally all over,i can blog about everything with no qualms. but till then,i'll take a break. who knows,i might miss blogging so much i'll come back in a week. but till then,here's bye for now.