i used to think i was this really easygoing and open person, but it's like i've grown to become so private it scares me. this space used to be an outlet for any and every sort of emotional and mental rant and vent, but it has since whittled to the occassional frivolous marking down of events and days gone by. no more archives link, because i figured there's no need for others to read about my past. but if you ever take a glance at them, you would see the stark difference between the entries then and now. i've gone through putting down my raw thoughts and feelings and ended up offending or hurting others. now everything is self-censorship. yet i've grown too attached to this online platform i call my own, to leave completely and assume another identity and leave my thoughts on some other domain. now i've to tweak words and twist meanings just to put down the entirety of my emotions at that particular moment, just so that it would not get that obvious; and so that there is still room for ambiguity. it's almost like red tape just to get what i wanna say across onto the blog, and taking extra care not to hurt and offend. i laugh at the irony of having a blog in the first place, and how it has to come to this. i used to give freely my blog address, now in this new schooling environment, i am reluctant to even say i have a blog. it's impossible to pinpoint the causes for change, and i guess i would not attempt to. but people change, and i have.
it's getting stupid, this whole thing. i just wanna be friends, because for at least this first year in university, i just wanna concentrate on my studies and making new friends. sorry to disapoint you, but i'm a commitment-phobe. it would take a miracle to see otherwise. i just wanna have fun.
icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 11:33 PM
grace chen
14 october 86
ntu
communication studies
long bus-rides
thinking of the what-ifs
the occasional alcohol
music