the child slowly raises one foot. she has seen how it is like - that clear,blue,sparkling surface. she has read about it in storybooks and seen it on the telly. yet she has never felt that blue body envelope hers, never experienced how it is like to be in unision with it.
she lowers her foot with hesitation, testing out how it feels. ah. it feels warm. it feels good. yet that initial sensation is not enough to propel her to jump right in - to jump right in would be pure foolishness, and the child was not foolish.
she knew the dangers. she has heard about the dangers, and right now she can see that despite the sparkling surface there is some murky depths of the unknown. no, she will not jump straight in.
it is not that she is unspontaneous or timid; all she wants is to choose the right pool to swim in, one in which she would feel safe and secure in, and have fun with wild abandon inside that pool.
that is the pool of relationships and love, and that child is me.
+ + +
a friend recently said the more happening and eventful one's life is, the less one blogs.
how right that is. so you can pretty much tell from the frequency of my blogging just how interesting my life is right now. or rather, my work-life, cuz i'm at the office lik right at this moment.
so just two weeks ago i was practically begging for a job, anything at all, cuz lazing around at home and being viewed as a 'parasite' or some 'useless bum' (thats what my mom calls me) aint very healthy for the soul.
so i've gotten a job, and a pretty easy one at that. the money just rolls in every hour and at fivethirty on the dot everyday, i can say sayonara and skip to the company transport.
i am grateful for the job, and the other receptionist's very nice-thank god for that; but suddenly its like you think to yourself, is this it? is this how im gonna be spending the next few months till i enter uni?
i want a more challenging and interesting job, but damn i'm only an A-level holder. and say even if i do get that kinda job, i'll be complaining over how tiring it is, wont i?
the grass just always seem greener on the other damn side =)
icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 12:50 PM
grace chen
14 october 86
ntu
communication studies
long bus-rides
thinking of the what-ifs
the occasional alcohol
music