thistle;

Thursday, March 30, 2006

the weather's been pretty insane as of late, doncha think. jus this afternoon it was scorching mad, and right now its plain cold. as with my spending habits - insane, i tell you. jus about four days ago i was happy and i was rich, but jus within a coupla days i've blew away most of it. and i'm freaking broke now. yeah andrew, call me budget. haah.

well what's a girl gotta do? if she's single and has no doting rich boyfriend to provide for her meals (ha) she's gotta work, aye? and society's cruel - you can't go on in life looking like a piece of slop cuz society's all about appearances. so she gotta spend money pretty-ing up - clothes, makeup, shoes, bags, and what-have-you. cuz she feels good when she looks good.

but she doesnt wanna only manage to live by- she wanna enjoy and live affordably. but money's always an issue. she's gotta take driving lessons and pay for them herself cuz she knows her parents have their own financial woes to handle. and she's admittedly, alil' spoilt and fussy about jobs so she doesn't wanna take up a 9-5 deskbound office job. so she takes up temp jobs on a coupla days basis, but the money's never enough.

that aside, she's at a transition period where the 1 at the beginning of her age turns to a 2. and she's expected to be mature and responsible and nice; and people tend to give less of a leeway cuz she's apparently a woman now. aint a small girl no more.

and at this age where her ancestors get married and even procreate, she's still looking out for the one. the one who would sweep her off her feet and ride her away on a white horse. but she knows thats just a fairytale and in reality, relationships aren't saccharine-sweet romances you see in the movies. seeing and hearing of friends and acquaintance's experiences, she's getting alil' disillusioned about that L-word. love and lust - its so interchangeable nowadays. as much of an optimist as she is, she really doesn't dare to hope or expect too much.

and as a girl of the modern world, she's expected to be everything at once. she's gotta be independent, beautiful, strong, confident and at the same time be sweet, understanding, kind and caring. be too forceful and the guys will be scared off; be too weak and the guys will gripe that she's clingy.

she doesn't know if she should take the initiative, cuz even if she dares to, she doesn't know if the guy she's interested in is okay with a girl making the first move. so she's forever stuck in the same place-always nearing the boundary of her comfort zone but never knowing if she should step out.

and she worries about her university applications, she worries about the lack of money, she worries about her looks, she worries about whether people would look at her and see her flaws, she worries if she will ever find the one, she worries if she would land her dream-job; she worries if she can be the girl - woman, she wants to be.

but damn, she can't spend too much time worrying; the world's still spinning, society goes on churning out fads and trends. and there probably is no point to all the worrying. life's splayed out ahead, she jus gotta live it-as close as possible to her dream.

=)

Lost 2 premieres today =))

icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 7:45 PM