thistle;

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

i was thinking of relocating actually, but settled down to changing the layout here instead. havent exactly been able to type out everything i want to down here, but now, ima gonna try to. thats what a blog is for, no? so, more genuine feelings and thoughts. it may bore, disturb, or thrill. whatever your pick :)

so what does it mean when you have a recurring dream? okay so two times doesnt exactly make it that much, but just the other night i dreamt i held a cigarette in one hand and was puffing away, and actually enjoying each exhalation. i used to think that i will never ever touch a cigarette stick, much less smoke; but as the years passed by the abstinence was mainly due to the lack of money to carry on the habit.

as children we were always told smoking is bad, smoking kills; but that eventually leads to reverse psychology where kids smoke just to prove a point. and where i once did not agree with the act of smoking, and thought the worse of anyone who did; presently guys who light up actually appeal to me. granted, they must be already attractive to some extent without the aid of that white stick, rather than to try to look cool by smoking. the white stick just contributes substantially to the whole bad-boy vibe that is so darn attractive to me at this point.

i've since acquired a rather nonchalant stance towards smokers. i mean, smoking is just another bad habit. of course, one can not deny its consequences. but this is the smoker's choice-he has made the choice to live with this bad habit. i am not like and cant stand the minority of non-smokers who adopt a holier-than-thou stance and look down at smokers. i'm sure these non-smokers have their own bad habits to speak of, or hide of.

i've quite a number of friends, mostly guys, who buy that packet once every few days. when i'm with them, and they light up in front of me, there was initially that conflicting interest of religion, morals, and what have you.

but now it has whittled down to this, at least to me - each person is responsible for his own life and his own decisions. as his friend, i can try to advise but really, there's nothing much i can do if he himself is not convicted to quit for a worthy cause. so why not accept him for who he is, warts and all? and till then, i guess i shall continue to be attracted to bad boys. as for my recurring dream, i doubt it will ever manifest into reality, so :)

icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 10:22 PM