thistle;

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

there was a period of disorientation. suddenly. da compass is taken out from my hands. after A levels, after prom; there's suddenly no more aim, no more purpose in life. nothing to look forward to. for awhile i was lost,literally, in the forest of ambiguity. not knowing where to go, not wanting to leave, not wanting this chapter of my life to close, not wanting to embark on a new road, not wanting to try new things. i wanted forever to remain in this cocoon.

but i know transition is inevitable. and as cliche as it sounds, after every chapter of your life is over, a new one begins, and since you cant avoid or change it, you might as well embrace it.

i was reading an entry in my private diary, and i wrote this, 'after the A levels, life will resume as per normal'. when i read that line two nights ago, i dont know whether to burst out laughing or crying. yeah indeed, As are over. so is prom, too. but is life as per normal? certainly not, as i felt two nights ago. life will never be da same again. no more green uniform, no more waking up in da early morning trying to take the last possible bus to school, no more attending lectures, tutorials. i am one damn nostalgic and sentimental person, and sometimes i dont know whether its a good or bad thing. what more, in this three years in tpjc, the attachment has grown so strong, its freaking hard to let go. i always find it freaking hard to let go. but thing is, when i graduated from st hilda's, i didnt even feel da same intensity of emotion i felt two nights ago. probably because after secondary school there was jc or poly to look forward to. but now, its really a blur. da future's a freaking blur.

i didnt feel like moving on, didnt wanna let go. but i know i have to. and huisi, you dont know how you helped me so much yesterday. just by hanging out, by watching a movie that isn't exactly that nice, by eating and talking, just by being there; you made it so much better for me (: and i thank you and i thank God so much.

and i know, so this chapter of my life has closed, but that doesn't mean i can not revisit it some other time, flip through da pages, reminisce, smile. and it also doesnt mean da friendships end there. so i may have some regrets blabla, but it all makes me stronger, no?

so right now, i'm lookin with anticipation towards what da future will bring. da good, da bad, i'll take it and embrace it. and im just grateful for all da memories this three years has given me. for now, all that matters is to be happy and to live life da way i want it to. thats all that matters (:

icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 11:44 PM