thistle;

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

[depressing entry; dont read if ya as happy as spongebob squarepants]

i really just wish for it all to be over really soon, seriously. suddenly right now its not even that i am doing so that i can ace the paper, but im doing it so that i can just get it over and done with. its really tiring and depressing to come home to another stack of revision notes after you're done with a three-hour paper and all you want is just to laze infront of the googlebox and do nothing.

lit and econs hasnt gone exactly the way i wanted it to be and its really depressing, thinking that i thought it would be my better papers. this week has just been one depressing day after another and it just sucks the life out of you. there is no motivation to try to do well for the other papers anymore because you just want it all to be over already.

i dont even know what will happen next year during results day and i dread to think about it. i know all this is really depressing and such, but, three years. three whole years and it amounts to this? im not satisfied, im not at all. i dont even know what to think of all these anymore and i dont even dare to think of the consequences.

it seems like im just going through with the motion of reading and memorising and trying to absorb everything before i just scream and tear the papers into shreds. but then somehow i still have a certain degree of control because there's still four papers left that i can somehow try to do better.

and its not even like im desperate to shop or go out or club. i dont even like shopping that much. i just want everything to be over. done with, and then i can resume life as myself.

depressing. depressing to walk into the exam hall thinking you have some degree of confidence and knowledge, only to walk out feeling like a piece of crap. and then having to go home to another tiring session of studying and trying to stay awake and hoping that the next paper would go better.

depressing. i just wish for it all to be over soon and done with. Lord i dont mean to be pessimistic. its not even like i enjoy wallowing in selfpity and misery. but i just wish for it all to be done with and over. if i screw up, we shall then see.

icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 6:53 PM