thistle;

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

wha i am so dead lah.

i know i so need to be doing revision and studying my ass off but i'm making absolutely zilch effort.

didn't go school today because the weather was too nice, could just lay in bed forever.

was telling elissa the other day that i miss going out on dates. you know - going out, having a nice meal, watching movies, or just strolling aimlessly but romantically at shopping malls, then a nice ride back home. its been months ago since i went out with a guy solo and even then, it was one of my worst dates ever. i was totally irked by the whole thing and was constantly thinking of a way to get away. in the end i told him i had to be home early. not nice, i know, but i couldn't stand a single minute more with him. hurhur.

it's not that i want to get attached lah, going on dates and wanting a boyfriend are two separate matters. i realise alot of singaporean guys my age don't exactly know the meaning of going on a date. to them, going on a date is tantamount to having to get that girl to be their girlfriend; and every cent they spend on the girl is in hope that the girl would repay them by agreeing to be theirs.

to me, going on a date is to get to know the other party well. there is no serious commitment here, at least not yet. a date is supposed to be stress-free and fun, just letting your hair down with no agenda on either party's side.

and after the date, if there is chemistry lacking or whatsoever, then it's okay; just remain friends. it's not like if i go on a date with you then it means i have to be your girlfriend. but strangely, alot of guys my age seem to think that way. that - if after the date, after spending so much on me and i do not quite recipocrate the liking you have; then i'm a materialistic bitch.

honey, it's just that chemistry is lacking and it might be better if the status remain on the friendship level.

i like going on dates because it widens my social circle and i get to be treated just like how a girl should be. maybe that's selfish thinking but i think dating is much more fun than getting attached exclusively to just one guy and then the whole business of commitment comes in.

maybe that's why people like me get labelled as flirts or whatever, but then, i'm just being cautious by not entering into relationships too quick too early; only to result in emotional scars and awkward future meetings.

of course, there are teenagers who are really committed to their other half and i salute them. all respect. but as of now, for me, when i think i'm still not mature enough to handle the whole relationship stuff, it's better to play it cool and not jump into the relationship bandwagon.

and of course, there's still the A' levels to think of :)

but as i said, no boyfriend does not equal to no dating. i wouldn't mind the occassional date or two, and hopefully i wouldn't have to say that i need to get home early. heh.

icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 1:16 PM