somehow as i grow older, i find it even more difficult to like someone sincerely and wholeheartedly. getting cynical, or perhaps the effects of Literature haha. i dont even know if i believe in such a thing as true Love, or whether i'll be fortunate enough to ever experience it.
im in love with that song. its either by a group called Jem or Gem; but whatever the spelling, i'm in love with their song - They.
dontknow exactly what genre to place them under. whatever. why the need to label songs anyway =)
define Love
have been thinking lately of this very commonly thought of and discussed topic. that thing called Love. they say (or at least in Moulin Rouge) that the greatest thing in the world is just to love and be loved. but somehow i wonder whether i've that capacity and ability inside of me to love and be loved.
naturally i've never been in love. i cant even say i love anything on this earth wholeheartedly. yeah probably ive not the faintest idea what Love is and what it embodies. philosophers and average men alike have tried to put a definition to Love but none have succeeded totally. perhaps the closest definition anyone can come to is this; that Love can not be defined.
once i thought of Love as this very selfish thing; when i watched TV serials years ago i wondered why the male character cried so badly when his wife died. i thought, c'mon, just go get another woman. then as i knew abit more, i thought, he's crying because there's no longer a woman for him to hold and to hold him; to keep him company through his bleakest hours and to be by his side.
my idea of love is just that; that it is just for the completion of one's soul; for one's own benefit. my mind couldnt contemplate the fact that anybody could actually sacrifice him or herself for somone that he or she loves, because to me Love is just a guise for couples to find their other half literally, for them to seek company and just have fun.
having never been in a relationship - both serious and non-serious ones (even the non-serious ones i had are too trivial to be given credit to), i really question whether i can ever be a great lover in the future; perhaps the not-too-far future. would i be able to give of myself wholeheartedly and willingly to a man who will be my partner for life? thing is, will i even find that Right man? 
i know i want to experience a great love at least once in my lifetime, but seeing that i'm going to be twenty next year and having had zero relationships, it doesnt seem quite too plausible.
i know my time will come, one day, some day, all in God's beautifully-crafted out plans. but in the meanwhile theres no harm musing, is there. haha.
its really quite hard to fathom the depths of Love and what one can do for it, because i've never experienced it before, and now i wonder whether i even have the capacity inside of me to love someone other than myself. 
icy fingers playing piano on my skin - 1:57 PM